Live in the glory of serving a purpose during your lifetime

It has been exactly a year that Dad passed away after a brief illness. As a child, I had done everything within my abilities (physical and financial) for those four months that he was lying on a hospital bed in a comatosed state. It did not matter to me that he did not even open his eyes or speak a single word when I visited him in the hospital. That he was breathing and still alive was reason enough for me to travel to Kolkata every fortnight leaving my two children under the care and mercy of my domestic help. My husband and children insisted that if those were the final few months of dad’s life, then we must try our best to make him feel how much we loved him and how much we cared for him. My big man adjusted his travel schedule as much as he could and my two little children took care of themselves as much as they could giving me assurances constantly while I would be away to Kolkata,” Do not worry about us; You take care of Dada and yourself and spend as much time as you can with Dada. Just hold his hand and sit beside him. He will definitely realise with his senses that you are there”.

Dad would have been shining with pride and happiness for his son-in-law and grandchildren!

The only complain that I had against Almighty that I could not anticipate the final moment in dad’s life and hence, I could not be there by his side to kiss him goodbye and to tell him for the last time, “My daddy bestest”.  Even after a year, I go off to sleep with this grief and pain and I would have done that possibly for the rest of my life had it not been for another death in the family!

Chhoto Masi (my aunt-in-law) passed away on 8^th of January this year. She was a distant elder cousin of my Mom-in-law but since she had no one except us, my mom-in-law took it upon herself to look after her. The fact that she was distantly related to us never diluted the love and affection that we had for her and vice versa. Chhoto Masi was dear and near to us notwithstanding her position in the family tree of ‘Rays’!

Age caught up; she was diagnosed with Dementia. She was losing herself fast in the vortex of the disease….keeping her under home-care under a care-giver was no longer a possibility. Since we stay few thousand miles away from Lucknow and mom-in-law was physically not able to look after Chhoto Masi, on doctor’s advice, we finally had to take a hard decision to keep her under care of a Rehabilitation Center for her well-being. I became a frequent flyer in Fly Dubai airline on Dubai-Lucknow-Dubai route since July last year taking care of her medical needs even though the Rehabilitation Center was taking care of her well.  

Chhoto Masi lost all her abilities to comprehend the present and was dwelling in the past as these are common manifestations of dementia. She did not remember my name or who I was to her but every time I visited her in the Center, her face would lit up with joy and she would break into a wide smile like a child. I could clearly see the rush of happiness possibly because she knew in her heart that she was loved and cared for. She would kiss my forehead lovingly and affectionately when I would say, “Chhoto Masi, you take care and stay well. I will come again to see you after 15 days”. May be, she understood that the last was not very far. When I last visited her, she held my hand and asked with so much of hope and expectation in her voice,” When will the doctor allow me to go home? I want to go home”.

I was torn with helplessness and came back to Dubai with a heavy heart ridden with guilt. I promised her I would take her home the next time I would come knowing fully well that it was a distant possibility given the fact that her state was deteriorating with each passing day. She fell critically ill with a heart ailment just after a week of my last visit without any prior warning or indication and I rushed back. By the time I reached, she was already put on ventilator and she was already on her last battle. Signs were evident that she would not be able to hold her ground for long. Time ticked away for next 48 hours; I stayed put by her bed side in the hospital holding her hand. She possibly did not know that I was there with her all along during her final moments but Almighty gave me plenty of time to apologise to her that I failed on my promise and I could not take her home for one last time!

I will live with this guilt for the rest of my life!  

As her own son or daughter would have done or as I did it for my father, I performed all rituals before her cremation and lit the pyre . While immersing her ashes in river Gomati, tears possibly washed away my guilt hoping that Chhoto Masi would understand my helplessness and forgive me that I could not take her home as promised.

I ticked off that one complain I had against Almighty that He did not allow me the chance to stay by my dad’s side during his final moments…..He allowed me the chance to do so for Chhoto Masi. Dad was a noble soul; all through his life, he walked his walk following the dictum “Others before self”. So what if I was not there – he was surrounded with people who loved him so dearly showering him with love, affection and care….he died a king’s death!

….on the contrary, Chhoto Masi was alone, physically and emotionally. I am sure the thought crossed her mind innumerable number of times when she was inching towards old age as to how the end would be and whether there would be anyone to give her a decent farewell knowing that she did not have any biological offspring. Though there are countless incidents proving otherwise but do we not all live with this belief that a son or daughter of our own will take care of us during our last. May be, Chhoto Masi was also unsure that we would prove biological connections does not dictate how or whether we should take care of her.

….on many nights, I would go sleepless tears flooding my eyes repeating to myself, “I wish I could hold dad’s hand or kiss him good bye” ….but not anymore. God gave me the chance to do everything for Chhoto Masi that I could not do for dad. I could hold Chhoto Masi’s hand saying the last prayer on her behalf  that she should be allowed a safe and painless passage to God’s own country and be forgiven if she ever sinned. She was not left alone to cross the bridge before she started her journey towards the eternal destination. To me, this was more for my soul than for Chhoto Masi’s.

Dad possibly was shining with pride again that his little girl had developed strong shoulders to carry Chhoto Masi (literally) to the crematorium as a pallbearer!  

That I was made to be the anchor for a lonely soul during her final days compels me to think beyond doubt that God creates each one of us for a purpose! Stay ready ….who knows when Almighty will choose any one of us to serve that single purpose for which we have been created and when He does that, you live a blessed life then on!!

 

  

Only few people and few bonds matter in life....

Ours is a very democratic family. All members have equal right and freedom to express opinion about almost everything and opinions are examined carefully before a collective decision is made!

To feel that each one of us has freedom to do as per our wish, on an average day, I cook Pesto Pasta for the boy, pasta with white sauce for the girl, lamb curry for the Head of the Family while I stick to my staple fish curry and rice! If we decide to go for a movie together, we only travel together to the movie hall but I head to a theatre screening a Bollywood movie and husband and children settle down in a different theatre for an English movie. Needless to mention, we take lot of time and deliberation to decide on something major!

For us, “ Let us go somewhere for vacation” is a very major and sensitive issue. Honestly speaking, so far, our travel diary is almost blank. In the past 16 years that I am married, we had only been to Nainital for one and half day and we had gone to Phuket last year for 5 days. Reasons are many…..

…..Primarily because, husband is required to travel about 20 days a month to all parts of the world as his employment demands. His tired body yearns for the cosy comfort of home and some home cooked food during holiday and he would prefer to stay at home given a chance.

….. Secondly, I am not a travel person per se…. I do not possess strong legs to walk miles to explore things or to marvel at the exploration people have already done; I do not have a strong heart to jump into any kind of adventure in a faraway land; neither I am emotionally so strong that I could forego my mandatory annual visit to Greater Noida; I would rather prefer to travel to Greater Noida during holidays and watch Nature’s wonders on Discovery Channel or National Geographic and I have no regrets for “missing out on fun”. (Of late, I have been nurturing a secret wish of going to see Leh and Ladakh all by myself, reason unknown to me even!)

If travel to different places is equivalent to gathering knowledge, then I am illiterate and uneducated to the core and I am not ashamed to accept that fact.

…..the last important reason being purely financial. Yes, I could not come out of typical “service class” mentality where ‘ salary’ is earned to be saved for a better cause of life and spending so much of money on a holiday and few days of fun does not get a ready and quick approval from me much to the annoyance of my husband and children !

But that was when children were small and they were yet to learn to put forward their likes and dislikes! Now they are grown up and mingles with friends who go for vacations (ordinary and exotic) each year as a ritual. Peer pressure was building up within them, I guess and finally, two years back, both of them were very critical of the fact that we had never been to any place other than Greater Noida during holidays. In the evening, after a very brief deliberation, the house was divided into 3:1 and a family decision was made that we would go for a vacation each year at least once. My contribution to the plan was limited to packing my stuff and carrying myself to wherever they would decide to travel!!

The planning for “December holiday” has started in the household for this year. The other day, husband got four travel magazines of DNATA and I was given the honour to decide on a place for the family to travel to. As usual, before I could lay my eyes on the beautiful sample pictures of the places featured in the magazines, I read the “per person” cost and did a quick mental calculation of the “financial outflow after adding 30% overhead cost”. My husband was insistent that we should go to some place in Europe this year. Tragically enough, I have very blurry idea of geographical definitions and boundaries of Europe, America or as a matter of fact, any other continent and country other than India. To avoid confusion, I announced during dinner time to the children “We are going for an Austrian holiday this year. Now, if Austria does not fall in Europe that is none of my problem. I have already decided”. The family approved then and there.

“We have to apply for visa well in time so to avoid last minute panic and uncertainty” was my husband’s premonition. To look and talk little informed, I tried to search in Google for visa formality the other day and left the site halfway as it was too much of information-overload for my brain. I thought it prudent to leave it to the person who is most experienced in the family as regards travel is concerned as he travels in and out of Dubai almost like any Airline crew member…. I went off to sleep a little excited and happy that day thinking about our ensuing Austrian Holiday.

Just after I said my prayers and closed my eyes with the happy smile still intact, strangely enough, memories of the incident happened during my fifth chemotherapy session flooded my mind like a surge of mud-water and swept me  three years in the past to the hospital bed. A serious allergic reaction of the chemotherapy medicine almost took my life. The Oncologist mentioned to us later that he never encountered such severe reaction in his entire career of 16 years as a Cancer specialist and that I was alive was nothing short of a miracle! While the doctors and nurses were fighting tooth and nail to bring me back from the clutches of death, I was barely conscious to understand the severity of the battle. I could only feel the tight hug of my husband who kept on whispering into my ears “Dare not leave me alone”; I could only remember how dad wept helplessly to his Almighty when the diagnosis came out, “Take my life but dare not snatch my child from me” and I could only murmur to the doctor,” I have not kissed my children good-bye”.  

I was not afraid that it was time for me to end my earthly journey so soon and so abruptly and the thought that I had not travelled to many places while I was alive, did not even occur to me. Rather, I could sense immense calmness within me that I could be a good daughter to my parents; that I could be a good mother to my children; that I could be a good wife to my husband; that I could be a good friend to few. 

On that day and time, I was ready to travel to God’s own country and since then, I am always ready. Life has taught me to stay clutter-free. I live life without many attachments, without much expectations, without any regrets for my acts and deeds and I feel extremely content at all points of time. With each passing day, the realisation is getting stronger that only few people and few bonds matter in life; rest all is immaterial and peripheral to living a happy life. Whether I get to go for an Austrian vacation or not; whether I get to appreciate the blue water of many oceans or mighty heights of mountains in different parts of the world or not; whether I get to taste cuisine from around the world or not --- the measure of my happiness and contentment is not going to be altered, for sure!

Cherish those few people in life and nurture those few bonds with all your heart and soul!!! Having said that, if an opportunity arises on the periphery to travel to a new place and explore, grab it with both hands.

On a funny note, I will certainly irritate my children and husband with this philosophy of mine and a decently long lecture to convince them to buy this. I see a prospect of saving few thousand dirhams and a holiday to my very own Greater Noida in December….  

Faith brings out the best in you!

All along , I am a firm believer in God. For me, the God is a “ SHE” , my very own Ma Durga. Her presence and power to heal has always been my primary source of strength and courage during time of distress. As I don’t forget to thank Her almost every moment that I am awake, I do not hesitate to curse her when She pushes me to edge; I don’t , as well, hesitate to nag her relentlessly to step in when things get beyond control and all else fail !

The belief that She would show me the light at the end of the dark tunnel has always paid off. Of course, the primary condition of being the receiver of Her abundant blessings is that I have to close my eyes, hold Her hand and keep walking with an unshakable faith in my mind even if it takes longer than expected to reach to the other end of the tunnel.

Being an ordinary human being, every time I am put to test, I try to figure out the purpose behind Her game. When apparently, I do not find one, I complain profusely and at times, I threaten Her in abusive language that I would shift my loyalty to other God/Goddess who possibly would be little kinder to the devotees. When the initial fury of the storm subsides and the clouds clear a little bit, I sit down and think through and the purpose of the test transpires…. Above everything else, I come out of it as a much stronger and tougher person , absolutely ready for a bigger battle in life!

My faith in Her presence and power to heal grows stronger each time I pass a test!

I have been taking a test again for the past one month. This time, it is dad’s illness – a critical and severe one. A viral meningitis has left him with severely impaired Central Nervous system and he is confined to hospital bed for the past one month in Kolkata. Being the only child and staying so far away from them, I had been living with this fear for quite some time ever since the signs of aging started to show up. When it happened, almost without any prior notice, the feeling was nasty. It was, as if, I was thrown into deep sea with my limbs tied up and nothing was in sight to hang on to.

The first reaction, obviously, was to scream at Her, “What is it this time?” as I was struggling to find a purpose behind this rigorous test. I lost my ability to think logically and rationally as to how I was going to juggle a home in Dubai with two small kids, a husband with punishing travel schedule, a sick father in Kolkata, an emotionally vulnerable and physically weak mom in the village home, a job that I recently started with so much of love and passion and the rigour of travelling back and forth between Kolkata and Dubai fortnightly! I drifted around in that open sea till the time I had air in my lungs and then called Her to step in.

I left everything in Her hands with that Faith in my mind …..

As always, the initial fury of the storm has subsided and when I sat down to think through, the purpose behind all these was clear. As a matter of fact , there was not one but many :

First and primary, the children have become more independent and responsible to take charge of their lives when I am away to Kolkata and their dad is in a far-away land on duty . That includes getting ready for school on time, finishing homework on their own and on time, keeping tab on me and both the grandmas, and calling me up every night to say,” We are fine Ma; you take care of Dada and yourself”. The mother in me is now more than assured that my children have grown up in true sense and they are battle-ready!

Secondly, I was brought up in a joint family with few cousins. Being a single child, I never felt lonely nor did I feel the need of a sibling because we all were brothers and sisters and the bond was quite strong and visible all through. During this time of distress, three of my brothers stayed by my side like three strong pillars. I could lean on them to rest, to cry, to voice my concern whenever i wished to. They still are….doing the hospital run, taking care of needs of Ma in the village, organising random stuff so that dad’s care is not hampered. The strength of the bond is now time-tested. I am more than convinced that I will never be alone in life when I am blessed with such cousins. I wish I had few more like them…..  

Third in the list ….. I got to know few wonderful people who I didn’t even see before this happened. They are not relatives per se but they are always on a phone call away. On the day dad was supposed to be operated upon, these beautiful souls descended in full force on a 30-minute notice just to be by my side and since then, are in constant touch with me. I will remain grateful to them for the rest of my life and will certainly nurture these relationships with love and care. Kolkata no longer is an alien land for me only because of them (I never liked Kolkata, the city of joy and I never tried to develop any bond either with this city).  

Fourth in the list …. Friends here in Dubai have extended their hands of support to take care of children and anything else that might be required during the time I am away. Such unconditional support and help from friends always makes me believe that the world in fact is a beautiful place. May God bless these angels always!  

The most important one …. I have always felt that marriage is the best thing that happened to me. When people ask me how I take care of so many things at one single moment, I smile back to them and say,” I am generally a very strong person mentally. But for the past 15 years that I am married, a man stands behind me like a rock-wall all the time. Whenever I need support, I just lean back and rest. I fear nothing so long as he is there.” He is my husband! May God bless him with more strength and patience!

On a lighter note, I have found a new student in Ma. She is learning how to write her pension  cheque, how to fill in the deposit slips in bank, how to operate an ATM card and all small things that she never had to bother herself with because dad used to take care of all those. She is excited and she feels empowered!

And the last one….during my last visit, I was upgraded from Economy to Business by Emirates Airlines as I had accumulated few thousand air miles! An enjoyable privilege, I must say.

Well, I will be again flying to Kolkata on 23 rd. December for a week to make a permanent arrangement for dad’s rehabilitation in Kolkata. A whole new set up to be organised in Kolkata but surprisingly, I am not overtly worried. I know beyond doubt that everything will be taken care of.

I am currently, walking through that dark tunnel with eyes closed, holding Her hand with that unshakable faith in my heart. The ray of light will appear just when it is time!!         

Let the wild flowers bloom everywhere......

Professionally speaking, I have deviated too far and too many times. I started off as an Audit Manager immediately after qualifying my final examination from Institute of Chartered Accountants of India and ended up recently as a Content Writer of a Lifestyle Magazine here in Dubai.

The journey has been long and colourful and though, I performed my duties with utmost sincerity at all points of time, the duty I most enjoyed was that of a professor. In all other cases, only my professional self was involved whereas during those years as professor, my entire self was involved. The parting was painful when I had to move to Dubai. Few months in a job here in Dubai in Corporate Finance , I realised pretty soon that I was too trapped in the mould of a teacher making it difficult for me to go back to a corporate job. I decided to quit !

Thankfully, God gave me another reason to quit and look at life in a new light. Surviving Cancer was a life changing experience for me. Priorities of life changed overnight and the decision to quit whatever I was doing was instant. A probability of recurrence adds a dangerous dimension to the “killer” disease called “Cancer” and I guess, all cancer survivors live with this uncertainty for the rest of their lives. Suddenly, I was in a rush to do things that I wanted to do for quite some time before God sends me a notice, “Time up”.

At the top of my list of “things to do before I die”, I had a secret wish…… I wanted to become part of lives of children who are differently able ever since my daughter was born. There was an antecedent of my being so passionate about the cause. Test results during pregnancy showed a high probability that the daughter might be born with Down’s syndrome. The thought of terminating the pregnancy did not occur to us for once and we went around the city searching for specialist doctors, schools, therapists during the balance period of pregnancy just to make sure that the baby get the best care and support. The fact that there were not many facilities (and there still isn’t) to support the development of children with special need and that the society is not always conducive to accept them with open arms, were the only concerns for our unborn child. The Almighty blessed us with a girl who did not show any sign of Down’s syndrome but since then, I started to nurture a secret wish that given a chance, I would like to help those beautiful souls with my limited ability!

I took a small step to give my dream wings and started working as a volunteer with a Paediatric Therapy Center for differently able children here in Dubai. Sometimes, only passion is not sufficient - to have specific knowledge and skill in order to be more helpful and to understand them better was paramount. I recently enrolled myself for a professional training on Behavioural Analysis and Occupational Therapy. Needless to say, my entire self is involved once again while I learn.

As a part of the course curriculum, I am associated with a centre which offers therapy (Occupational therapy, Speech therapy, therapy for Sensory integration etc.) to children who have learning difficulty/disability. Each day, I come home wrapped in a lingering fragrance of wild flowers; I look forward to go back the next morning to hug them, cuddle them, learn with them, play with them and be a part of their lives in a small way……I am a very happy soul now!

Yes, I will call them wild flowers high up in the mountains – they are exotic and unique with vibrant colour and fragrance. To make wild flowers bloom in the plain land is difficult but not impossible. The environment has to be conducive and inviting for these wild flowers to bloom on the plains. They need to be given a chance to adapt and I am sure, with little effort from all of us around, the process of adaptation will be much easier. Do not try to enter into their world with a bang ; rather carry with you a hint of forest breeze when you would try to peep into their world.

If the society as a whole and each member of the society takes a little effort, the sight of vibrant colour of those wild flowers blooming everywhere around us will certainly be a treat visually and that exotic fragrance will certainly uplift your soul to be closer to your Almighty!

If we can not do it alone, let us join hands in a bid to protect these wild flowers!

   

The agony of growing old........

Age is catching up........I mean, the biological age and not the age of my mind.
I take the often-repeated phrase very seriously saying to myself," Age is only a number" and I truly believe there is no conflict between an ageing body and an young mind within it. Just so to prove that, I took lessons of Pole Dancing with mind-full of enthusiasm! ( I must confess that I loved it even though my ageing limbs protested vehemently!)
......but then, the young mind can not take the ageing brain head-on all the time. As a part of the biological process of growing old,  body parts compete with each other and gives you clear signs of eventual "wear and tear". A gradual weakening of memory with each passing year tops the list of symptoms of growing older, I guess!
In my case, the situation is doubly critical. I was possibly born with this terrible trait of mine - I simply do not remember where I keep "important" stuff at the time when those are needed!! .....and now that I am approaching 50 (biological age, I mean), situation is going towards worse, I must say. Almost everyday a search mission needs to be launched for something or the other - passports, suitcase keys, childrens' vaccination card, ATM card, Maid's employment contract, my mobile phone and the list goes on...... while I sweat and panic almost to the verge of bursting into loud cry, all members of the family (including my dog) bring the entire house down to search for random "important" stuff. The commander of the search mission ( my husband, of course) sits still, throws direction to the team members in a steely voice and in between, throws steely glances towards me and I feel miserable, to say the least!
I consider this as an official seal that I am growing old biologically (the mind stays young and fresh, though)
Yesterday was Valentine's day - a beautiful day started with a beautiful morning with children kissing me "Happy Valentine's Day Ma", and a beautiful gift was being unwrapped (my husband got it for me few days back during his recent tour but I wanted to unwrap it ceremoniously on Valentine's day!). As I sat down with a cup of tea and the morning newspaper, my husband asked for a particular thing which was in my wallet. I rushed to upstairs feeling confident that it was in my green handbag. Well, the wallet was not inside my green handbag, nor on the sofa upstairs, nor on the red sofa in kids room, nor inside my cupboard, nor in the bamboo basket in the kitchen...... and the sweat, the panic, the palpitation. Feeling helpless, I  cried out from upstairs," Kids, help please. I can't find my wallet"
One more search mission - spoiling the beautiful morning and making the house look like a battle field. My daughter even checked inside the refrigerator , just in case!
"How can it go inside the fridge, Babu" I tried to protest feebly.
With the same gravity in her voice as her dad's, she replied without even turning back to me, " Anything is possible Ma"
(Unbelievable ! I was thinking to myself and feeling miserable, as allways)
Almost an hour later, my Almighty Ma Durga possibly answered to my fervent prayers and the brain regained some of its lost glory. I ran back up to check the folder where my son keeps his drum sticks and notation copies for his drum lessons. It was certainly the moment to scream "Eureka". Now, don't ask me how the wallet ended up inside that folder (even I do not clearly remember the sequence of events).
I was convinced one more time that I am growing older biologically (the mind is young and fresh, though).
Lovely ladies, in case you are growing older biologically like me, stay fresh and young at heart but be a little mindful where you keep your wallet. Otherwise a beautiful Valentine's Day morning will get wasted searching for it!
Enjoy life as it comes !!

There is no place like home.......

That bug is here again which nags me at regular interval throughout the year –“ I want to go home”!

I am about to complete my fifth year in Dubai in few more days and I consider this as a fairly long stay to fall in love with this beautiful city. I wouldn’t deny that I love the city but still, after such a long stay and even with all its glitz, glamour and flamboyance, the city has not been successfully able to take me under its magic spell completely. The heart aches naggingly for that small confine in Greater Noida, for that muddy road in my village, for that small apartment crammed with stuff, useful or un-useful in Lucknow….

During childhood or during my growing-up years, I have not travelled much except the yearly visit to my maternal grandparents’ place in the nearby town. I have not travelled much even after marriage – firstly, the children were small and I was too apprehensive if at all I would enjoy a vacation while managing an infant and a toddler and secondly, financial resources were not in abundance to splurge on an exotic vacation. While the husband globe-trotted throughout the year on professional assignments, travelling to Lucknow or to my village was the only itinerary for us during holidays.

Situations changed for good with passage of time. Children grew up, cash flow improved and we were travel-ready or rather vacation-ready. Just about when we were planning a trip to a nearby hill station during the next holiday, Dubai happened to us! On a notice of three months, belongings were packed in cartons and shipped and we took the flight to Dubai on a cold January morning. It was “to begin all over again”. Needless to say, it took a while to settle down in this new place, physically and emotionally!

After five long years, even though I am physically well-settled ( a decent home, a family car in the garage, a kitchen full of cooking gadgets, crockery and cutlery,  stack full of cook books and novels in the study room, few good friends to “chill with” during weekends , children in a good school and recently, a dog too), emotionally I still find myself struggling to get adjusted to this new arrangement - parents and Ma-in-law no longer can catch the train at their convenience to travel to Delhi to stay with us four times a year and I feel very sad for them; I cannot hop onto Shatabdi Express to Lucknow whenever there is a four -day break and I feel sad for that; since there is no puja vacation in Dubai schools, I cannot go home to be with my gang of cousins, aunts and uncles during my most favorite festival that is Durga Puja and I feel sad for that. The list goes on………

……and hence, vacation to me now means “going home” at every opportunity and I refuse to go to any place else. People say travelling to new places enriches the vision, broadens the mindset and expands the knowledge base making one superior to the less-travelled. Going by that measuring stick, I will possibly die with a very inferior vision, a very restricted mindset and a very narrow knowledge base if status quo remains the same for few more years but I will still die as a very happy and satisfied soul as I will carry in my heart few beautiful feelings when I die…….

.……I will never know how it feels to be standing in front of an imposing mountain range in some parts of the world and be awe-struck by its enormity. Those mighty mountains will never shed their self-importance and tell me, “Come back soon” when my visit is over. …. But I will always know how beautiful it feels when each one of my friends , neighbors and acquaintances  in Greater Noida hugs me tight and whispers chokingly with  tears in their eyes, “Come back soon. We miss you so much” when I prepare to come back to Dubai after the vacation.

….. I will never know how beautiful it feels to be taking a walk in a moonlit night in a pristine beach with a boundless ocean in front of my eyes and to be surrounded with unearthly tranquility, in some parts of the world. The golden sands of those beaches or the blue waters of those oceans will never care enough to preserve my footsteps as a memoir that I paid a visit to them …….but I will always know how beautiful it feels when my mom-in-law tells me with tears in her eyes, “I will keep everything as it is in your room till you come back again. That will give me a feeling that you all are here with me”. 

……I will never know how it beautiful it feels to be watching a spectacular sunrise or sunset in some exotic location in some parts of the world. That rising sun or the setting sun, with all its glory, will never keep a count of how many more mornings or evenings I will be there to appreciate that splendor……but I will always know how beautiful it feels when my dad keeps a count of my stay with each sun-rise or sun-set and tells me with a hint of gloom,” Four more days and the house will feel empty again.”

…… I will never know how it feels to be wandering in the roads of cities around the world with rich historical past. Those roads or those cities will never bother to come out of their glorious past to appreciate the fact that I visited them…….but I will always know how beautiful it feels when I visit my favorite market place after years, either in Greater Noida or in Lucknow and the snack vendor comes running to me,” Didi, do you recognize me? Where had you been all these years? Have some pani puri”

……I will never know how it feels to be sampling local cuisine sitting in a road side eatery in a distant land or how it tastes but I will always know how heavenly it tastes and how beautiful it feels to eat to my heart’s content “rajma chawal” from the kitchen of my motherly neighbor, curry-chawal from Sunita’s kitchen, chilli chicken from Madhumita’s kitchen, Masala bhindi from Swati’s kitchen, chicken biriyani from Shampa’s kitchen, aam ka achar from Chetna’s kitchen, egg curry from Ma in Lucknow or fish curry from Ma’s kitchen in Gonpur .

Those mountains, those oceans, those beaches, those historical cities will all be there for eternity (at least they will survive till I die!). Uncertainty being the essence of life, who knows if I will get the next opportunity to be with my loved ones to share some laugh with them , to hug them one last time or to share my grief or joy with them!

I don't care if the world does not remember me when I die as someone who travelled extensively gathering precious knowledge! What matters to me most is the fact that few people will keep me alive in their memories when I die. Hence my suitcases are out from under the bed and dusted off, my shopping list for my dear ones is ready and I am vacation-ready. I will take the flight after few more days to one of the most exotic places on earth – Greater Noida and come back with plenty of memories to sustain myself till the next vacation.  

Have a happy winter holiday, friends and do make it a point to reserve few vacations for your loved ones!

 

It is not easy to be mother of someone else's child.......

I became mom to a new baby about a couple of days ago!

Hold your breath! I did not give birth to him. He has travelled quite a distance to reach Dubai, all the way from Hungary.

A seven month old Labrador came home with my Big man from the Pet Shop located in his office building, completely unannounced. The daughter and father were ecstatic, the son was clueless whether to be happy or otherwise and I was aghast!

I never thought that the family was incomplete without a dog! The sight of dog’s ‘Poop and Pee’ all around the park adjacent to my house actually makes me nauseate and I curse the dog owners for not cleaning after their dogs. That the dog would relieve himself anywhere or everywhere in the garden or inside the house, was beyond my acceptance limit and hence, an unpardonable act to me.

 The initial shock subsided after few minutes of screaming and giving me no time to gather myself to greet him, the horror started to unfold bit by bit. Hashtag peed right there on the sofa (my most favorite corner where I love to sit with a cup of tea and the morning newspaper!)  I forgot to react and the daughter immediately started explaining how dogs mark their territory by peeing. (How insane is that!)   

The daughter immediately ran to the kitchen to get the roll of kitchen towel and without even a hint of disgust, she wiped the floor with tissue and cleaned with Dettol water. I was horrified to say the least.

…..but lo and behold! There was more to the horror. Before the floor even dried, Hashtag could not control his motion and the rest is not very hard to guess!

I could sense that my days and nights were going to be a complete mess with Hashtag’s arrival while the daughter and her father tried relentlessly to convince me otherwise.

His bed, chewies, food bowl, water bowl, packets of treats and readymade food, toothbrush and toothpaste, shampoo, bath tub, towel, hair brush, two leashes, a harness and a collar, were all unloaded from the car dickey and organized neatly in the store room shelves. I just don’t remember whether there was so much of arrangement when I brought home my babies from the hospital!

In the afternoon, he was set free in the garden to make him familiar with the environment and he peed everywhere in a bid to mark his territory. The husband looked at him with indulgence, the daughter giggled uncontrollably and I was sitting on a garden chair, motionless, speechless and breathless, possibly with anger!

The night descended and after an elaborate discussion between the daughter and father, Hashtag’s bed was laid in the study room and my husband decided to sleep on the sofa to make the dog feel safe and comfortable! I don’t remember if he ever stayed up and awake during nights when children were small!

Fortunately for him and unfortunately for me, the next morning he had to leave station for an assignment. At night, the daughter refused to sleep upstairs leaving her “darling” Hashtag alone and I was left with no choice but to sleep in the living room with her and her “darling”. While she fell asleep within minutes of snuggling under the blanket, Hashtag kept me up and about the entire night with his antics reminding me the days of sleepless nights when the kids were small.

……. and that too, for the dog!! Unbelievable!

In a matter of two days, the green grasses in my garden developed yellow patches (soaked with Hashtag’s urine) and he chose no particular area for his big job! I lost my paradise.

Sleepless, homeless (almost!), with each passing day, frustration was increasing with his unpredictable and erratic toilet habit! Rajeev (a renowned dog trainer) was hired to make Hashtag toilet trained. On the first session, possibly he could sense my emotion towards the animal and dropped a simple line after he was done with the lesson, “Just accept him as he is. He will never be able to understand logically why you are angry with him. But give it some time and he will not give you chance to regret that you brought him home”.

Something clicked. For the first time, I called him to me and looked into his eyes. Hesitantly, he sat in front of me with complete submission. A surge of emotion ran past me – possibly he is missing his mum and the mum, far away in Hungary, is possibly missing her baby. When he grows up in a few months, the mother will never get to know or see how handsome her boy looks. Being the foster mother, the joy and pride will be all mine!

That day, I wore a pair of gloves and cleaned his poop in a plastic bag; took him upstairs and laid his bed by the side of my bed, touched his head softly to say “good night” and switched off the light. He let go off a deep breath, stretched his limbs, looked at me once and fell asleep like a baby knowing in his mind that I have finally accepted him.

Today, when I closed the door behind me while leaving for office, I could decipher the look in his eyes. He certainly wanted to say, “When will you come home, Mom?”  

Being mother is a tough task and being mother of someone else’s child is doubly tough. Howsoever tough it might be, how can I not love someone as cute and handsome like my Hashtag with deep brown eyes and a button nose!!!

 (I was allowed the honor to name him)