Even though there is no gender bias, I always wanted my
first child to be a girl. On a cold January afternoon, when she had to be taken
out with a C-Section prematurely for medical reasons, even the attending
Pediatrician had doubted her survival. At the same time, he emphasized that
mother’s care was the only medicine for her and I took up motherhood full-time.
The frail baby with pink lips, head-full of curly hair and
long eyelashes, held my finger tightly in the embrace of her tiny weak fingers
when I first held her and possibly, that is, so far, the most precious moment
of my life!
From that moment onwards, she has given me countless moments
for me to feel ecstatic as her mother!
She is known be mature, responsible and caring amongst
friends and teachers in school and amongst friends and relatives. I feel
blessed!
At home, she is my ‘first-point-of-contact’ during moments
of distress. When memory fails me as to where I have kept a very important
document that her father handed over to me for safe keeping or the tuning key
for my son’s drum set , she comes to my rescue,” Mom, check in the topmost
drawer on your left in your wardrobe”. Sense of relief breezes past me when I
find things exactly where she says and I hug her with a happy grin! My
forgetfulness has become legendary in the family after innumerable incidents of
losing things or not being able to remember where I have kept them. She is
officially responsible now for safekeeping of things and I live a life free of
stress!! I feel blessed!
As she loves to cook, she has been going to a culinary
school to hone her skills. Some days, when I just do not feel like entering
into the kitchen, she happily wears her Chef-cap, flips through the pages of
her recipe book, does a stock-taking for ingredients in the refrigerator and
the rest is……
…….sheer BLISS!!! I
feel blessed!!
The list is long when I feel myself blessed to have her in
my life and I thought mothering her would simply be full of ecstasy and devoid
of agony!!
I didn’t have reasons to believe otherwise until she turned
12 in January. Officially, she entered into pre-teen and will enter into “the
hallowed hall of Teens” in ten more months precisely! There has been
innumerable articles and reports on how to handle “teenaged children” and all
documents, published or unpublished, screams that it is the most difficult
phase of parenthood as well as for the children. Well, I do feel scared. Just to
keep myself prepared for the occasion, these days, I read through any article
related to “Good Parenting” in one breath while the storm is brewing……
While I debate with myself as to how to handle this when she
starts showing up symptoms of “teenage tantrums”, I wonder whether our parents
also had to go through all these! We also had passed through that very
sensitive phase of life called “adolescence” with our share of infatuation,
falling in love at the drop of a hat or nursing a broken heart. Have we ever
noticed our parents being stressed about all such issues? Nah, at least, I
don’t remember as regards my parents are concerned.
….but as everyone
says, “Time has changed”. And hence, method of parenting also needs to be
changed. While the debate goes on in my head as to how to make her understand
what is wrong and what is right for her, she is busy “Whatsapping” her friends
in her i-phone.
Now, after so much of knowledge accumulated by reading all
those articles or hearing from parents who already have teenage children, just
as I started feeling “well-equipped”, my pre-teen princess came home from
school with lot of excitement and asked me, “Mom, is it OK with you if I invite
two of my friends to our house on Thursday? Actually, they are, sort of, dating
and want some cool place to hang out so they can understand each other better.
We have this lake and the park behind our house and it’s nice. So just in case
you agree……”
I almost went blank when she dropped those words so casually
- ”Dating”, “cool”, “hang out”, “understand each other better” ! She is only 12
and so are her friends!! For the first time I realized how much time has
changed. At least, in my time, when I was of their age, the thought of
“understanding each other” never crossed my mind!
Mentally, I was
searching through all those articles that I have read which might give me a
clue as to how to handle this and there was no answer. I had to figure it out
myself.
My days of agony have just started, I guess……
I don’t think there is any rule book for parenting. The best
rule, for me, is to trust the “mother’s instinct”.
Enjoy the agony and ecstasy of being a mother. Happy
parenting, all you mothers!
