All along , I am a firm believer in God. For me, the God is
a “ SHE” , my very own Ma Durga. Her presence and power to heal has always been
my primary source of strength and courage during time of distress. As I don’t forget
to thank Her almost every moment that I am awake, I do not hesitate to curse her
when She pushes me to edge; I don’t , as well, hesitate to nag her relentlessly
to step in when things get beyond control and all else fail !
The belief that She would show me the light at the end of
the dark tunnel has always paid off. Of course, the primary condition of being
the receiver of Her abundant blessings is that I have to close my eyes, hold
Her hand and keep walking with an unshakable faith in my mind even if it takes
longer than expected to reach to the other end of the tunnel.
Being an ordinary human being, every time I am put to test, I
try to figure out the purpose behind Her game. When apparently, I do not find
one, I complain profusely and at times, I threaten Her in abusive language that
I would shift my loyalty to other God/Goddess who possibly would be little
kinder to the devotees. When the initial fury of the storm subsides and the
clouds clear a little bit, I sit down and think through and the purpose of the
test transpires…. Above everything else, I come out of it as a much stronger
and tougher person , absolutely ready for a bigger battle in life!
My faith in Her presence and power to heal grows stronger
each time I pass a test!
I have been taking a test again for the past one month. This
time, it is dad’s illness – a critical and severe one. A viral meningitis has
left him with severely impaired Central Nervous system and he is confined to
hospital bed for the past one month in Kolkata. Being the only child and
staying so far away from them, I had been living with this fear for quite some
time ever since the signs of aging started to show up. When it happened, almost
without any prior notice, the feeling was nasty. It was, as if, I was thrown
into deep sea with my limbs tied up and nothing was in sight to hang on to.
The first reaction, obviously, was to scream at Her, “What
is it this time?” as I was struggling to find a purpose behind this rigorous
test. I lost my ability to think logically and rationally as to how I was going
to juggle a home in Dubai with two small kids, a husband with punishing travel
schedule, a sick father in Kolkata, an emotionally vulnerable and physically
weak mom in the village home, a job that I recently started with so much of
love and passion and the rigour of travelling back and forth between Kolkata
and Dubai fortnightly! I drifted around in that open sea till the time I had
air in my lungs and then called Her to step in.
I left everything in Her hands with that Faith in my mind …..
As always, the initial fury of the storm has subsided and when
I sat down to think through, the purpose behind all these was clear. As a
matter of fact , there was not one but many :
First and primary, the children have become more independent
and responsible to take charge of their lives when I am away to Kolkata and
their dad is in a far-away land on duty . That includes getting ready for school
on time, finishing homework on their own and on time, keeping tab on me and
both the grandmas, and calling me up every night to say,” We are fine Ma; you
take care of Dada and yourself”. The mother in me is now more than assured that
my children have grown up in true sense and they are battle-ready!
Secondly, I was brought up in a joint family with few
cousins. Being a single child, I never felt lonely nor did I feel the need of a
sibling because we all were brothers and sisters and the bond was quite strong
and visible all through. During this time of distress, three of my brothers
stayed by my side like three strong pillars. I could lean on them to rest, to
cry, to voice my concern whenever i wished to. They still are….doing the
hospital run, taking care of needs of Ma in the village, organising random
stuff so that dad’s care is not hampered. The strength of the bond is now
time-tested. I am more than convinced that I will never be alone in life when I
am blessed with such cousins. I wish I had few more like them…..
Third in the list ….. I got to know few wonderful people who
I didn’t even see before this happened. They are not relatives per se but they
are always on a phone call away. On the day dad was supposed to be operated
upon, these beautiful souls descended in full force on a 30-minute notice just
to be by my side and since then, are in constant touch with me. I will remain
grateful to them for the rest of my life and will certainly nurture these
relationships with love and care. Kolkata no longer is an alien land for me
only because of them (I never liked Kolkata, the city of joy and I never tried
to develop any bond either with this city).
Fourth in the list …. Friends here in Dubai have extended
their hands of support to take care of children and anything else that might be
required during the time I am away. Such unconditional support and help from
friends always makes me believe that the world in fact is a beautiful place.
May God bless these angels always!
The most important one …. I have always felt that marriage
is the best thing that happened to me. When people ask me how I take care of so
many things at one single moment, I smile back to them and say,” I am generally
a very strong person mentally. But for the past 15 years that I am married, a
man stands behind me like a rock-wall all the time. Whenever I need support, I just
lean back and rest. I fear nothing so long as he is there.” He is my husband! May
God bless him with more strength and patience!
On a lighter note, I have found a new student in Ma. She is
learning how to write her pension cheque, how to fill in the deposit slips in
bank, how to operate an ATM card and all small things that she never had to
bother herself with because dad used to take care of all those. She is excited
and she feels empowered!
And the last one….during my last visit, I was upgraded from
Economy to Business by Emirates Airlines as I had accumulated few thousand air miles!
An enjoyable privilege, I must say.
Well, I will be again flying to Kolkata on 23 rd. December for
a week to make a permanent arrangement for dad’s rehabilitation in Kolkata. A
whole new set up to be organised in Kolkata but surprisingly, I am not overtly
worried. I know beyond doubt that everything will be taken care of.
I am currently, walking through that dark tunnel with eyes
closed, holding Her hand with that unshakable faith in my heart. The ray of
light will appear just when it is time!!
