Boys will be boys!

"Ah, when is he going to grow up?", exclaim almost all mothers in desperation who have a son ! The exasperation is much more frequent and arbitrary if the mother happens to have an elder daughter who is widely known to the neighbors, relatives, teachers and acquaintances as responsible, caring, composed and sensible.....

An article on Parenting in Gulf News changed my perception as to how to react or not to react at all when my 9-year old little monster practices his spider man-roll on the sofa while his elder sister sulks sitting on other corner of the sofa! The writer of the article in Gulf News is absolutely right in saying that teen age boys are generally under-rated than girls of comparable age ; they are, most of the times, dismissed as and presumed to be a bunch of noisy, aggressive and reckless 'creatures' by neighbors, 'adolescent girls' of comparable age and passer-by, when the fact is that they are innocent, unthreatning,boisterous and fun to be with.


Even though, I have four more years to go when my son will step into teen-hood..... ......

.......I always end up reacting hyper-actively when my 9-year old son just goes around knocking things down or experimenting with the TV-remote or singing his favorite song loudly or may be honing his football skill in the living room. In short, he is famous or infamous for his passion for mischief-making !

.......saying all that, how often do I praise him for his witty comments on petty things or when he hugs me tight in public just to say that he loves me or when he shares his psp with his little cousin or his ability to strike friendship with complete strangers ! His goodness somehow, gets overshadowed by his abundant naughty acts and I often forget that those demonic acts are not his invention but those are actually boy-thing which come naturally to them!

The other day when we went to attend a friend's birthday party, a mother of little boy there, showered him with praises for taking care of her little son so lovingly. Even though this was not the first incident of this sort, because he is continuously compared with his elder sister, he is labeled as a mischief-maker. I too forget while comparing them on "naughtiness parameter" that there are plenty of "goodness factor" in him as well where his sister falls off the mark !!

When I think of his acts and deeds (good and bad), in isolation from the daughter's, I must confess that he is a gem and such joy to be around. Unlike his sister, he can digest praise and criticism with equal ease; he can lead and be led with equal grace. He has given me countless moments to laugh out loud and ease my stress during critical situations with his innocent but practical view on many of life's happenings. He can be friend with a 6 year old or a 60 year old without much effort !


......Aren't those qualities enough to forgive him if he has broken few mirrors with his football kick or if he burped loudly and forgot to say sorry or if he is just a little bit unorganized and forgetful? I completely understand now when he labels his elder sister as 'little boring' while playing with her !


Boys will remain as boys - innocent, child-like, fun-loving; they are oblivious that their stinky socks can drive people away from the room, or that they need to be reminded continuously the benefits of taking shower everyday or that they don't mind laughing out loudly while sharing a joke with friends or that they will always be misunderstood for not being able to express their feelings with right words at the right time.....


.....BUT they will never talk ill about their enemies to others or they will never hurt people around them with 'deliberately chosen unkind words' or they will never think of 'schemes' to take revenge - if they need to settle a score, they will fight like wild bulls but will dust themselves off at the end of it and be friends again!!!!

So boys, don't bother if people frown upon you when you scare them with your naughty antics; don't stop living life and grow up at your own pace even when everyone expects you to grow up faster! Always remember, you are equally adorable, charming, priceless and a mother's pride !!!!! ....And mothers, please be patient and allow them to be boys for as long as time permits. They would certainly, make their mothers proud when it is their turn to do so!

Art Attack!

Last week, my daughter got home from school with her Home Learning tasks for the week end.  She was supposed to create a mythical character out of her imagination with a description and picture!  As a routine, I check their communication book right after they come back from school so that we all are mentally prepared well in advance for the ensuing 'tsunami' called 'homework ' in the evening !  The moment I encountered   words like "create”, "imagination" and "picture" in her task, I lost all ability to comprehend what actually was required to be done and I got confused between "mythical" and "mythological".  During such confused moment, I suggested that she should choose Hanuman from Ramayana!  Bewilderment writ large on her face and she exclaimed," Ma, but Hanuman is a mythological character and he existed several thousand years ago. I need to create something which does not exist in reality".
 
Ah, now the brain was coming out of that momentary state of haziness and I regained my ability to comprehend.  So, after few long breaths and an extensive search in Google, we both zeroed in on some "unreal" creature but she wanted to create something very new and unforeseen, to make life more difficult for me, to say the least!    We put our thinking caps on and kept on thinking the whole evening in between my kitchen run and her cartoon shows....
 
Art has always remained an alien subject for me for few reasons:  firstly, I did not get any "artistic” streak by inheritance; secondly, in the school curriculum during my school years, there was no specific period for "art" and thirdly, I never had an artist friend until recently.   

Ever since, these home assignments have compelled me to come up with something artistic at regular intervals, I have started buying books like "How to sketch animals", "Drawing made easy" and the likes.   When I could not think of something as "very very new and unforeseen" mythical character even after thinking through the hour long episode of my favorite reality show, I resigned and went off to sleep.  

Almost in a flash, before falling off to sleep, I remembered the poems and stories by  Sukumar  Roy which was part of growing up of almost all Bengali children (Sukumar Roy was father of the legendary Bengali film-maker Satyajit Ray).  His poems and stories for children only had characters which mostly did not exist in reality but all of us were hooked to each one of them.   As if to show my ‘creative’ genius, I took clue from one of his poems and suggested my daughter to combine a leopard with a dinosaur!

Even though, she was not very convinced, another genius in my household (my son) persuaded her to ‘at least try and take chance’. …….and now the most difficult part of the assignment was how to draw a ‘half-leopard half-dinosaur’ looking creature!  When it comes to drawing, my daughter cannot imagine anything beyond landscape, my son cannot imagine any object beyond cars but they are pretty good in their effort in drawing cars or scenery…….Sadly enough, I cannot imagine anything whatsoever if I am asked to draw something!

With such limitations, we skeptically took out all  those self-help books on how to draw!

 In my life, so far, fortunately or unfortunately, I never found the right thing at the right time (a right groom at the right age to marry; a right job at the right time; a right dress at the right time for example).   Not to break that tradition, none of those sketch books contained a page showing step-by-step, how to draw a leopard and / or a dinosaur!  After almost 3 hours of drawing, erasing and redrawing, we could somehow manage to come up with a very clumsy sketch of the combined creature and were feeling very happy about the effort.   While we were preparing to write a fitting description of the creature (that was not very difficult as my daughter writes well), the son jumped to have a look!

He is quite straight-forward and blunt while criticizing anything and said without any hint of reservation,” Well, the leopard does not resemble a leopard remotely and neither does the dinosaur; the aggression of the leopard is missing and the dinosaur, at the most looks like a giant lizard”.   We, mother-daughter felt quite enraged with such bluntness and defended ourselves,” It does not matter. It’s all imaginary, so……”

“If that is the case, then why do you need to bother so much?  Even if it looks like an ant with a fat tail, you can go ahead with that.  After all, it’s your imagination and an ant can grow a tail while you imagine. Give it an interesting name and that’s it!”, and he went back to his den leaving two of us fuming and distraught at the same time (here we must confess that he was absolutely right while criticizing our drawing).

After initial few minutes of incoherence, I saw a point in what he said and turned to the genius for a catchy and interesting name.

“Call it Leopardozard, a combination of leopard and giant lizard which carries killer venom hidden beneath the scales on its tail”, was his suggestion.   He also suggested few features to add to the drawing as well  to the description and we obeyed him without any doubt in mind!

Now with those small additions in the drawing, our Leopardozard was staring at us out of the page aggressively, ferociously and venomously!

……after the storm had stopped and the dust had settled, I was wondering whether I should enroll myself for an elementary course on drawing , so as not to feel so helpless during project time.   Even if it is not for the kids, but for the grandchildrens’ sake!  

Will it not be great fun if I can draw a Mickey Mouse or a Donald Duck for them without worrying about where to find a drawing of the same?

I will certainly do it before I become a granny!

Malts, Margaritas and little emotion.......

I must confess that the Malt Society, few of their 'spirited' members and their equally 'spirited' (if not a bit more) wives have been able to create a vortex around me and it is difficult for me to resist that 'pull'. Not that I want to resist too. So when my husband mentioned about an invitation to a get-together at one of the malt-lover's house, I immediately ran to check if I had matching accessories with the saree and my husband booked himself on a return flight from overseas just to be there over the weekend !

Now that this was my third attendance in such family get together' of Malt Society members, few faces have become familiar and I have now become familiar with the pulse of such gatherings. When few people interact without being dictated by their ego, social standing, and corporate background, for few hours, we all get a chance to be ourselves!
....and some 'sipping and nosing' of single malt literally transforms everyone a 'free spirited living being' without any inhibition.

The wonderful host and hostess, with their heartfull of warmth , the adorable menfolk (I mean it, seriously, whether in towel/s or fully clothed !), beautiful ladies with their stock of informative gossip(?), is too lethal a combination not to nurture a hang-over post party. ......and here Tabarak deserves a special mention for his tongue-tingling Margaritas!

In our perceived sense of emotional security, friends are a vital link. As we still consider ourselves 'fresh arrivals' in this city, apprehensions as to acceptance was reasonably high. Since we have been accepted with warmth and affection and without doubt , both of us (myself and my husband) will always remain grateful to all of you, ladies and gentlemen.....

.....and on a lighter note, it's a bonus for me, nevertheless, that I can indulge myself for some harmless dose of flirting with few of the MSA heroes and I allow my husband to such privilege as well in case he feels the need ! After all, after few sips of single malt and Tabarak's mind-blowingly sinful Margaritas, will we blame ourselves if the mind stops following logic for some hours?

So all of you wonderfully 'spirited' malt lovers, never stop spreading your goodness among people, your love for the spirit  and never loose the spirit of living life on your own terms.  To me, each one of you are 'the rarest of rare brew' !!!

Few "Malted Men" and some spicey crunch!

Now that I share the same room with my husband's collection of 100 odd bottles of Single Malt Whiskey, I also have progressed up the ladder in terms of my choice of drinks ( from being a fan of watermelon flavored Breezer to being a fan of Margarita, Bloody Mary, Tequila shots and the like)!

As wife of a member of Malt Society, I was invited to a family get-together at A's place (a passionate collector of single malts and a devoted member of Malt Society (name obviously withheld for privacy). A's household (A, his wife C, son A Jr and their adorable pet dog Arthur) opened the door of their house and hearts with a warm welcome. The collection of bottles in a variety of shapes, sizes, color, containing "single malt" whisky of various "types" is enviable to any malt lover, a testimony to A's love for them and a novice like me was completely awe-struck and possessed!!

As an advocate of "single malt", A seems to be on a mission to educate novices like me on the subject and he took it upon himself to brief me about the speciality, uniqueness and rarity of each one of them straightaway.  Even though, now I take a liking to know more about all these, for me to understand the difference between a Glenfiddich 15 and Elijah Craig, would be a stretch!

Nevertheless, I put up a brave face till other invitees started pouring in and I vowed to myself that I must enroll myself for an internship with the high priest of Malt Society, Sujeet, some day!

Few hours later and few drinks down, over fabulous food from C's kitchen, the mood was set for some cracking of jokes on almost anything and on everyone.  Almost all of us (except the young kids in the block, N and his lovely wife M) are hanging around the age which is infamous  for its dangerous "mid-life-crisis".  At this juncture of life, don't  we all secretly look for an opportunity for self-redemption? (Otherwise why are countless age-defying beauty products making millions or why suddenly my husband is concerned about his bigger-than-decent belly or why another friend Mr P would mention "a burning desire to get real close" in his invitations for a get-together at his house?)

.....and hence if the high priest of Malt Society , Sujeet was more than eager to impress me with his "towel clad bare body", almost tripping over his lovely wife who was standing on the staircase landing (when I went to drop my children to his place just before the party), I was more than eager to reassure myself that my young-age charm was still intact !!!

Wow, we shamelessly laid bare our "moments of glory" in front of each other and we all laughed our lungs out!  

One does not come across such spicy crunch which certainly does not induce indigestion but leaves a lingering feeling of freshness in our hearts, very frequently!

I wonder, is there any connection between loving Single Malts and such purity of hearts of all these 'Malted Men' and their lovely wives? If that be the case, then everyone should occasionally have a "wee dram" of Single Malt!


So ladies and gentlemen, hang on there as your " moment of glory" for self-redemption will come, anytime, soon!! I am sure, Single Malts will leave all of us high but definitely not dry!

.....And till each one of you find your "moment of self-redemption" - Cheers to 'Single Malt'!!!!!

A Day with the Spiderman

Yesterday the four of us went to watch Amazing Spiderman. Kids and their dad were dying to watch the movie and I had to follow them as I did not have any choice!

As a kid, fortunately or unfortunately, I had never been consumed by any of the superhero characters like batman, spiderman, superman nd the like purely because I was never introduced to them. To make matters worse, we didn't have a TV set till I passed my 10th board exam, neither was there a cinema hall within the radius of 25 km of my remote village. Hence I did not even get any opportunity to have a 'crush' on any of the filmy heroes. Much later in my life, when I was a "much married lady with a kid" and I watched ' Kaal Ho Na Ho', I could find my first superhero nd that was Shah Rukh Khan ( he still holds that position in my heart ; my husband and kids quite often tease me whenever he comes in TV) !!

....But my children nd their dad are always overwhelmed by the "superhero-ish" acts of their superheros nd Chhutku was , as usual, awe - struck by the stunts; so much so that he even forgot to finish his Cheese Nachos. Since the action of the superheroes gives me enough dizziness to feel almost sick, I polished off a whole plate of cheese nachos nd caramel popcorn , just to get easy with the sickness!!
Looking at Misti, I was not sure whether she was equally spellbound watching Spiderman climbing walls or swinging from building to building. On our way back home, Chhutku did a detailed analysis of superority of stunts by Toby Mcguire nd Andrew Garfield nd he concluded that the new spiderman was much better on technical aspects!

Wow! So much from an eight-year old nd I was still reeling under the dizzying acts by the spiderman...

After dinner, while I was enjoying my favorite reality show with a big chunk of brownie with icecream (to cool off my over - heated senses, of course), Misti suddenly popped up her head from my lap,"Ma, how did u like the movie?".

I replied matter-of-factly," You know Babu, as usual, it was nothing great for me. Rather, I would have been happier to watch Cocktail"

After few minutes of pause, she said softly," I kind of liked the movie but I liked Andrew Garfield very much! Isn't he very cute!".

I stopped from scooping icecream from the bowl and looked at her face as beautiful as a fresh flower and full of innocence! Was there a tinge of pink while she said that? Was it a girly blush?

"Can we buy the dvd when it comes, Ma? Actually, I liked him very much and just cannot stop thinking about him, you know." She confessed with lots of softness in her voice!!

As a child, she is way too matured compared to her age and she dislikes many things which girls of her age, love. Her all-time favorite dress is a jeans ( a plain one ,please!) with tee nd she stays miles away from clothes with laces, flowers, glitters nd blings, colourful hairclips nd bands, bracelets nd bangles, nailpaints nd bindis, and prefers a neat plait to keeping her lovely curls open!!!

With all her maturity nd practicality at such an early age, it was almost improbable that she would suddenly get smitten by Andrew Garfield way too much like a young girl , two years away from entering into her teen....

....And Chhutku concluded after few minutes into the conversation," I think Misti, you have a crush on him".

I almost fainted on the sofa .....he is not even nine years old and already an expert as to what could be called a "crush"!!

Thank you, Andrew Garfield for bringing the girl out of my daughter nd I am so looking forward to being a part of " Crush nd Blush" of my "pretty as a princess" daughter and my "gorgeously handsome, adorable" boy!! The most beautiful phase of motherhood has just begun for me!!
 

Euro 2012 – unites some and divides some…..

In my household, if a survey is conducted to understand the preference for TV programs, we four will vote for four different categories. My daughter prefers to watch serials based on historical characters (which is quite unusual for girls of her age) and some amount of cartoons while for the son, Ben 10 cartoon is the ultimate entertainment. As regards my preference, I have never been able to sit through the high-strung drama of Hindi serials (I only watch these off and on to get to know the fashion trends) and I only watch TV when there is reality shows on singing and dancing (more of dance shows to improvise on my newly acquired Zumba skills!) whereas my husband bores us, almost to death, when he is in town, by only watching News Channels of all sorts!

Given such varied preferences and with only one Cable connection at home, it should have been blood-shed at my home everyday but thank God for small mercies – my husband travels 20 days a month and Reality shows are far and few. Hence the fight for TV remote is practically confined to the brother-sister duo while I experiment in the kitchen or endlessly scroll up and down the Face Book posts.

……and then there came Euro 2012 with all its glory, craziness and fanfare!

I have a ‘Ronaldo-in –the –making’ at home who has recently caught fancy of the game of foot ball and has been sweating out with the ball religiously everyday with the hope that someday he might get to play for Manchester United (if only I buy him  football boots!). In the last six months, I have made ‘Go Sports’ richer by few hundred Dirhams by buying footballs (may be, secretly, I also have started hoping someday I would become glorified as the mother of world’s richest footballer!) .Even though, his dad has never shown craziness or madness around any sport (be it cricket or football or anything else), he appreciates football over cricket and declared one day after coming back from office that he would watch the Euro Cup 2012 every evening!   

“How crazy!” my daughter exclaimed fearing that she might have to forego her daily quota of TV-viewing.

“Yes, yes, yes! You know Daddy, to become a good football player, I must watch foot ball matches as many as possible!” screamed my little pumpkin, jumping with joy, almost breaking the sofa. 

When they became partners-in-crime, the daughter became a minority audience and silently compromised (as always) by watching cartoons after coming back from school but her evenings are empty now. In my effort to give her company, we have been watching DVDs together, cooking together, and stitching her doll’s cloth together throughout the evening. The house hold is now divided between boys and girls!!

While for the boys, each football match brings new excitement each day, for us girls, it is the same movie, and we have finished stitching clothes for all dolls….boredom prevails during the evening!!

“Why not sit and start learning about how football is played? May be, we will find some fun element to keep us engaged,” we pondered and silently crossed border. The daughter curled up in dad’s lap while the boy leaned on mum’s shoulder (their most comfortable position while watching TV) and wondered how they players sustain so much of running around for 90 minutes!

“Why are those men with yellow shirt racing up and down the border line?” I could not contain my ignorance!

“Ma, you need to know the rules of the game first. They are Lines Man (did I hear it right?)”, pat came the reply from the would-be-famous-soon footballer, followed by a forcefully controlled laugh. Was it a laugh or a taunt? Whatever……

“Yeah, we are precisely trying to do that, you know. Daddy, what is penalty kick, free kick, off-side and the like?” asked the daughter with genuine curiosity. “And by the way, you must thin down if at all, you wish to be a footballer, Chhutku. Look at their tummy and look at yours,” Misti hit the most sensitive button of her know-all-about-the-game brother.    

Even though we were trying very hard to understand but it is never easy to learn anything in a single day and we, kind of, gave up! After all, girls are never expected to know all about free kicks and penalty shots rather they should top-up their general knowledge about Prada and LV bags, Channel perfumes, and Jimmy Choo shoes and stuff like that!  

Surprisingly, we realized after one or two matches that watching 22 men running after a lone football, tackling others and tripping over each other, is not so boring as watching same DVD again and again and now we are ‘regulars’  during the matches! Wow!!!

The Euro certainly has divided the four of us into two groups – the boys who watch the game because they love the game and the girls who watch the game because there is no choice but then it has also brought all four of us to sit together and enjoy together for those 90 minutes…

In these gadget-age, where the childrens’ world are ruled by i-pod, i-pad, video-games etc, and when the children are fiercely independent (we only teach them to be like that, so they can take on the world head-on from day one), how much time do we sit together as a family to enjoy a laugh?

Euro time, family time – Long live the Euro!!!     

Marriage .....thy name is evolution!!

The requirements that I had set for a probable groom for myself were not very complicated – I only wanted my man to be very educated (to match my academic record), to be able to speak English like an Englishman (I still have the regret that I could not go to a first-class English medium school as there was none in the vicinity of my village) and he must smell good at all point of time ( smelling sweat does not sound ‘macho’ to me) !!

Even though I felt that was not tall order at all, my father sometimes grumbled at the ‘good smell’ part and my relatives were almost sure that I would have to spend the life unmarried …. But I was adamant and waited patiently till the age of 32, rejecting 16 aspiring groom-to-be!!

…and then there was this guy who I met for the first time in a meeting of Chartered Accountants in connection with an assignment of National Horticulture Board in Delhi. On the fateful day of first meeting in Gurgaon, I reached late as usual (by that time, I was convinced that reaching late everywhere was my birth-right) and had to barge in while the discussion was on regarding some issue. As the premium seats were all occupied by those old, moronic CAs, I had to make do with a seat at the last row and before I could get the hang of the discussion, the Chairman declared ‘lunch break’! Uff, I finally got some time to run my fingers through the mess of my long hair and straighten the pleats of my crisp cotton saree ….

Whatever be the issue of discussion, I could only hear this tall -dark - handsome guy speak as if he had been unanimously chosen to represent those 55 CAs. Well, even though I was not there when others chose him to speak, I loved the way he conducted the entire discussion, I loved his authority on the subject and I liked his leadership skill, even though in some part he sounded very arrogant and snob . To be very honest, I liked him so much in those few minutes, that a shameless thought crossed my mind, “I wish…”    !

Two of the requirements were already met by that time - that he was well-educated and that he could speak flawlessly in English-man like English and the third one?  Well, even that was also fulfilled within few minutes once the lunch break was announced when he opened his satchel and whipped a deo-bottle to spray some on him before going to the hall (North India reaches almost boiling point during summer)!! He stole my heart completely at that point and that shameless thought again crossed my mind, “I wish….”.

Being the only young lady, would anyone blame me if I say that I was expecting some degree of adulation from the male folk? Few exchanged customary greetings while this tall-dark-handsome good-smelling man merrily bonded with other young and old CAs and ignored me completely….

I was bursting partly with anger and humiliation and partly with hunger as I intentionally waited in the corridor with the hope that he might come and say ‘hello’ to me. After all, I was quite snob and arrogant too to fall in love with any random guy and my sky-high ego was very badly hurt!!

The decision was made then and there that if I marry at all, I would marry him and only him and the rest is history…..haven’t we heard it for umpteen number of times that nothing is wrong in love and war!!!

I conquered him in this glorified war of love in a matter of six months!!

…..and now that we spent 12 years together, we have understood without any ambiguity that evolution is the key to peaceful existence. There is no denying that adjustments and compromises have come equally from both sides but few things worth mentioning….

He had to adjust to my ability to talk incessantly on matters relevant and irrelevant while he only listens– did not I adjust in the first meeting (and in many meeting afterwards when he became partner in the same firm where I worked) when he only talked and I listened (I admit that he talks less irrelevantly but, come on, I am his wife now!). He evolved to the art of ‘listening without paying any attention’…..

He had to adjust to my ability to stay within mess around me (clothes lie on heap on the bed in one side, I have books and papers strewn all around on my study table, I have never been able to fish out the lipstick with the correct shade when I need it, and stuff like that) ….but didn’t I adjust to his habits of organization and order during our courtship period and first six months after marriage (To impress him of course! He is paranoid about keeping things in place and in order)? He evolved to the art of ignoring clutter and finding one corner in the bed to lie down….

Earlier he used to accumulate clothes, accessories mindlessly and every six months, there used to be ‘clearing’ whenever my parents visited us .Now, he changes his wardrobe every two years and I changed my wardrobe every six months!  Isn’t it evolution for both of us? (Occasionally he buys an Omega or Raymond Weil or Longines but I ignore that as an aberration)

In our residential society in Greater Noida, I was the face of the Ray family as very few saw his face partly, because of his tours and partly because he liked to spend time reclusively lazing around in bed and reading during holidays . And now? Ever since I forced him to meet Fatafati sangho members (our very own Bengali association in Dubai), he feels his weekends are boring if there is no get-together! Wouldn’t you call it evolution of highest order?

….the list goes on …and my story of evolution?

Just to highlight the degree of evolution of me after marriage, one example is enough, I guess.

 Ever since he has become a member of Malt Society, I have started tasting single malt (what an achievement! I could not even take a big gulp of pepsi few years ago)!

In a nutshell, after 12 years in marriage, I have evolved as a rich, snob, arrogant wife of a well-placed executive of an MNC and what about him?  Oh, who cares? No matter what he is, wife is wife. He roars occasionally but I bark continuously….

Marriage, thy name is evolution!!!!!!