Memories that will never fade away!

We had a big joint family with 16 members (young and adult) and our ancestral house was of modest size, complete with cattle shed in the backyard, a temple at the front yard and a big pond  by the side. My father, being the eldest son of my grandparents, was the head of the family and he was the policy maker for the household with unlimited authority. He used to be assisted by my Aunt (father’s elder sister who stayed with us), a very able and efficient Administrator that she was. We all used to call her “Mejo Ma”.

Even though, no one in the family had the veto power, if anguished by any of the policy decisions or administrative issues, the brother-sister duo were not autocratic and would discuss matters with my uncle, aunty, mom and grand ma, if needed. Every member of the family obeyed their instructions without question as their integrity and honesty towards their duties were unquestionable. Hence, the household used to run like a well-oiled complex machine with occasional hitches as, after all, there were 16 human characters!

 ……That taught us to obey and respect elders (be in a family or outside the family)

When I watch my children growing up, their opinions on matters related to them are sacrosanct and they accept things with so much of grudge! People say it is better to learn to take decisions from early age but have they seen the world enough to be able to decide what is good or bad for them? We had no opinions till we came to hostel but still learnt to decide at the time of need and decisions were seldom wrong! Am I teaching them enough to choose the good from bad by acceding to their decisions? Probably no.

Our family was well above the poverty line but nothing was abundantly available except books (I had at least four reference books for each subject). We would start our day with a cup of tea and two Britannia thin arraroot biscuits (Bournvita, horlics, complan? what were those?). The monthly quota for biscuits was just enough to sustain a full month but the Head of the Family and The Administrator never understood that. Hence we were left with no options but to stealing if anyone wanted to have an off-time snack.  We kids had intelligence like first-rate detectives to dig out the biscuit tin from unconceivable hiding places (once we dug it from the sack of rice!) When my mom could not offer biscuits with tea to one guest, instead of the day being at the middle of the month), a major policy decision was taken in consultation with Mejo Ma and the quota of biscuits were cancelled. We were stunned with shock and looked at each other in utter disbelief!

We always shared the ‘loot’ amongst us equally and never disclosed the name of the brain behind our crime. That probably taught us the joy of sharing and benevolence of caring!   

Now, when I go for grocery shopping, I pick up different varieties of biscuits for Misti and Chhutku as their tastes are different. How will they learn to share when they never ate those Britannia thin arraroot biscuits with cousins huddled in a corner of the staircase without making any sound lest they would get caught? Am I not falling short of teaching them to be “sharing and caring” to everyone around (in the family or outside). ?

We cousins (5/6 at all points of time) memorized our lessons sitting on a 4’x4’ mat under my father’s supervision with one lantern in the center (we did not have electricity in our village), the summer heat or mosquito bites, notwithstanding! While I would read English, the one on my left would read history whereas the one on my right would read geography. We all would read loudly our respective subjects and no one ever complained that the low score was because of ‘too much of noise around’. Can there be a better example of practicing “Zen” concept?

……this probably taught us to be tolerant and focused.   

When Misti and Chhutku sit for their homework on two heads of a 8 –seated dining table, Chhutku would churn out 95 + 15 = 100! When apprehended, his instant reply would be, “Misti is reading so loudly that I got distracted”. I order him to go to his room and complete his work. Am I giving them enough scope to learn to be tolerant and focused? I guess, not.

As a child we had limited set of clothes which used to send me to depression when compared with our cousins who lived in towns! Ever since my mom learnt tailoring, we all started wearing frock / shirt of same print during durga pujo as that saved lot of money when the material was bought in bulk. What embarrassment! But we all would wait eagerly for the whole year for those three sets of clothes in same print and the smell of new dress was intoxicating.

……that taught us to be happy with less!

Now there is no occasion for buying new clothes for my children as we used to get only twice a year (the beginning of the year and Durga Pujo). Have I ever noticed that divine joy in their face when they get a new set of cloth? Am I not giving them too much than needed? If they do not learn to be happy with less, will they ever be happy in life?

We all are settled now in our respective lives (some with little more affluence and some with less). The less affluent ones have never felt jealous about the more affluent ones and we all connect to the same wavelength when we all get together. My cousins are a proud lot that I am so educated, they are proud that Suparno has reached a decent height in his corporate career, they are proud that my children can speak fluently in English at such an early age and will bring the best shirt and frock available in the local market for Misti and Chhutku when we go there. Four of my cousins almost get into a competition as to who gets to meet me first and who gets to choose from Suparno‘s old shirt / tees (well, Suparno outgrows his clothes really fast) first. They are not ashamed to the least bit and flaunt them proudly to everyone else. Should we call it ‘lack of self respect or ego’? …..  Never. To me, it’s the simplicity of thoughts and unadulterated love for each other. Will my children ever learn this when they never have to live with 3 sets of clothes?

…..and the story will go on seemingly without any end. I feel so rich with so much of childhood memories and get started with slightest of pretext. Will my children ever have so much of treasures to share with their friends, children and the like? …. I doubt.

Before I close, every time I go to my village, I pick up gifts for my brothers and sisters depending on who wants what ( I start the process quite early before I actually leave so that I get good bargain during off-season) . This time I will take bagful of variety of biscuits along with other gifts and we will huddle under that staircase to eat our biscuits without the fear of getting caught.

……..and certainly munch with lot of noise!!

(Mejo Ma is no more and the Head of the Family has retired long ago but we have never failed to stick to the values that they taught us till we started taking our own decisions in life)