Being mother of a boy and girl.......

That I would establish myself as a ‘very successful career woman ‘was never on my priorities which was quite unusual given the fact that I worked really hard all those years of my student life to score a ‘perfect ten’ and I became majorly successful in writing an enviable resume with all the gems that I earned with my hard work and diligence. Being a full time house wife was also not in my agenda, though and I decided on my priorities very clearly long before entering into matrimonial ‘bliss’. As per my list of priorities, post marriage, I wanted to be a mother most of the time and thought of ‘doing something’ to keep myself ‘meaningfully engaged’ so that balancing ‘work and home’ does not take a toll on my children’s well being!

Although there was nothing against boys, I always wanted a girl to call me’ Ma’ first and when I was expecting my first child, my imagination was full with all those lovely frocks and dresses, barbies and kitchen sets, hair bands and clips. May be, because I wanted the girl so earnestly, I was granted the wish and a ‘pretty as picture’ princess was born to me in January 2002. I plunged into full time motherhood straight on taking a break from my ‘meaningful engagement’. There was not a single moment when I had to regret my decision of taking a break as my princess was quite a handful.

As soon as her body clock was set to routine, she ate and drank whatever I had given her and slept whenever she felt like. I never quite believed the mothers who said that they had to be up and awake the entire night to feed the baby or putting him/her to sleep! Ever since she started speaking, we mother-daughter ran into endless conversations the entire day and slept like hogs during the night. She learnt to keep herself busy with her toys, dolls, kitchen sets, crayons, drawing books and things like that from an early age giving me enough opportunity to catch up with my things. I didn’t even realise when she turned two and started her pre-school.

She is as sweet as her name goes ‘Misti’.

 Around that time, we decided to bring a companion for Misti and this time, it was a boy to complete the family. Misti was over the moon when she first saw her brother in the hospital even though she was barely two years old at that time!

Ah, our peaceful world went into a frantic frenzy from day one when Chhutku was born. He invaded into Misti’s world like mercenary with all his wailing, whining, erratic sleeping schedules, and distinct taste for spicy food!  I was going crazy by the day with all his tantrums and nights were nightmarish as he would not allow me to rest for 15 minutes at a stretch during nights till he was about 3 – 3 ½. Misti did all the adjustments whenever needed without even being asked to do that but she would never complain! As if that was not enough for a responsible big sister, she would put an all-out effort to play with her brother so that Mimia (she used to call me mimia when she was small) could catch a few winks after lunch. She is my adorable ‘big princess’ now.

On every parent – teacher meeting in Misti’s school, the teachers unanimously agreed that she was a child far mature than her age, caring and accommodating to everyone in the class and outside and she was a ‘teacher’s pet’ in true sense of the term. Certificates and medals, academic and extracurricular, filled a whole drawer and she added to my pride each passing day! When she shifted to Wellington in Dubai, the first parent-teacher meeting that I attended, the teacher started,” Poushali  (her good name) is a rare gem, Mrs. Ray” and my pride knew no bound ! She achieved the “best learner medal” this year and sometimes, I do not hesitate to seek her opinion when I cannot decide on something serious……. She is only 10 and already a ‘friend, philosopher and guide’ to me. Can any mother ask for more than this?  

And here comes my little devil – Chhutku. He settled down gradually and started his pre-school but was more interested in the variety in his lunch box rather than learning his alphabets. He finds out weird tricks to drive all of us insane even now. When he started going to regular school (same school as his sister’s), all teachers commented, “Divit is very intelligent but very restless as well. Mrs. Ray, he loves to talk with so much expression and we love that!” and surprisingly enough, he was the favorite amongst teachers and classmates for his innocence, simplicity, lack of maturity and honesty. He became a member of the ‘dramatics club’ for his ability to ‘talk with expression ‘and the ‘drummer’ of the junior choir of his school and without him, there would not be any cultural activity in school. He also earned quite a few numbers of certificates from school for various achievements and I am certainly proud of whatever he is.  He has started Yr 3 at Wellington with a bang this year with a determination to earn the ‘best learner medal’! All the best my little pumpkin – you can do that!

Now that he is going to be eight very soon, his sleeping habits have changed drastically on the opposite direction – he would not wake up for school unless he is splashed with cold water, almost! He will fight tooth and nail with his sister for a piece of crayon, sometimes, but will seek protection from his sister when he needs to settle score with his enemies. Had his sister not been so blessed with sanity and maturity, there would have been blood-shed everyday in the school, or bus, or park or playground probably!! Misti can win any battle out with her word power, clipped accent and measured expression but at the hour of need, Chhutku will only let his tear duct open and after few moments of helplessness, will let his limbs loose!

As a mother, I know he is gem of a boy  but with only one short-coming that he cannot hide his emotions – his sadness ( he will cry his heart out in front of whole class if hurt), his joy ( will give you few hugs and kisses when happy even if you don’t like it), his anger ( will punch you straight on your face if you irritate him for no reason),  his frustration (will use those bad words ,the big brothers at school use , to my horror ) and he knows no pretence! I am worried that there are very few people in this world who would value his innocence, honesty and simplicity and does emotion have any place in this era of machines (human or otherwise)? He would be a total mis-fit in this big, bad world if he does not learn to hide his emotions and be mentally strong.

He is equally adorable with all his naughtiness, wittiness and frequent “you are the best Mum” anecdotes and is quite popular outside home for being responsible, sharing and caring, much to my amusement. May be, with time, he would adapt to the requirements of ‘survival of the fittest’.

…….but he must know that his Mum will always be there for him, if he needs a shoulder to cry on or he needs someone to listen to him when no one has time for him or for all those hugs and kisses which might embarrass others…..

A rare gem that he is…….

On a lighter note, dealing with his emotional outbreak is still easier for me but when he asks me,” mum what kind of engine does a Lamborghini have?” or “ Mum can we connect our PSP to the TV?”, or “ Mum, what is an i-pad or i-pod or i-phone?” – I draw a blank face. After several of such occasions, he now does not wait for me to fumble for answer rather he initiates search in Google and explain things to me with so much sincerity and authority! Machines of any kind fascinate him so much that all his electronic toys are dis-functional because he wanted to explore the mechanism but could not re-fix after that!!

But I trust him completely in matters related to machines and techniques, be it putting cells in TV remote or fixing the screw of my pressure cooker handle. After all to make a name in the field of engineering, he must be given enough opportunity for on-the-job training……..

While Chhutku would happily settle for ‘biriyani’ or ‘chicken tikka’ or ‘palak paneer’ from any restaurant in the city, Misti would prefer to have ‘lunch at Hilton or Movenpick’ occasionally ,even though , she would not express her wish vocally. She is elegant, subtle and sensible where as the little one is simple, vocal and sensitive! Is not God great for balancing the flavors when He decided to make me mother of two – a boy and a girl?

….and so even if they are way apart in their attitude and attributes, and there are moments of crisis dealing with the ‘sensitive’ one and the ‘sensible’ one, my days and some parts of nights ,are full with laughter, tear, fist fights, and loads of hugs and kisses .

Sometimes, I wonder how children of same set of parents can be so different in attributes but whatever be the fact, in my world, there is no sunshine without my Princess and the Devil!!

Dilemma of a teacher

I was never trained to be a teacher; rather I was trained to be an auditor in the last phase of my academic career.  I started my career as a practicing auditor right after qualifying the CPA examination and was adequately warned by my seniors that the profession needed a great degree of honesty, integrity and dedication towards the job.  After all, the auditors and only the auditors were trusted with the duty of presenting the ‘true and fair ‘view of the financial affairs of the corporates owned by general public of the country.

Even though I started my Auditor’s career very enthusiastically, I realized in no time that I was not meant for this.  I was reminded frequently by my senior that an auditor must have senses like a sniffer dog in a sense that we must be able to ‘smell’ fraud without actually looking into the books and accounts and that I must look for evidence even in dustbins in the bathroom for probable irregularities. The idea of sniffing all the time and sieving through dustbin wastes for evidence was not appealing at all. Even though, almost all sniffer dogs ( I mean, auditors) I came across during my stint at the job were fat and well- fed, I decided to quit and settle in a job more suited to a lesser mortal like me.

I joined a corporate house right after marriage and was put under probation under an MBA (Finance).  I started off with all sincerity and dedication.  It was clear within a month that I terribly lack in matters of “organizational behavior” as we, Chartered Accountants never study the subject ‘OB’ but MBAs do.  My supervisor had a clear advantage in that.  As I was accumulating quite a few praises from the Executive Director for my clarity of thought, I was ruffling few feathers of my supervisor unknowingly.  On a particular day when I disagreed openly on some points (which were quite ridiculous) made by him and narrated the episode to my husband back at home, he smiled and said, “Start looking for another job as your days are numbered and you are not going to survive the performance appraisal”.  He could not have been more right.  Coexistence of a know-all MBA (Finance) and a proud-of-lineage Chartered Accountant was impossible and I had to bring my corporate career to an abrupt end.

 As I was gearing up for another round of job-hunt, God smiled at me and I was spared the trouble of going through few rounds of interviews to prove my suitability to prospective employers …… I was on my way to motherhood!! In a span of two years, I became mother of a princess and a devil-in-disguise. Amid flurry of activities day in and day out, I completely forgot that I once qualified one of the toughest professional examinations in my first attempt!  Honestly speaking, those five years of child-rearing were physically taxing and mentally stressful and I lost all connection with professional developments in my field.

After a sabbatical of five years, I took out a print of my CV to be circulated amongst prospective employers but employers were convinced beyond doubt that a mother of two young children could never be a responsible employee…..my candidature was never considered even though academically ,in many places, I was the best candidate.  But isn’t it a proven fact that everything happens at the right time?

For me, the right time arrived without any hint and voila! I was hired by a National Federation as their Finance Controller before I realized even.  The job was my last chance to prove a myth to be wrong that mothers can also be responsible employees. My sincerity, hard work, dedication and determination compelled the Management to extend my part-time appointment to  a full-time one with additional responsibility of teaching’ business finance’ in the Hospitality Management Institute run by the Federation.  Little did I know, that this would be a turning point in my professional career…….

The students accepted me with open arms in their innocent but mischievous world and I became their mentor, friend and mom at once and probably for the first time, I liked something so much as a profession.  As I started contemplating taking teaching on a full-time basis, the students only made my decision making easier when I was voted the “Best Teacher of the Year”.  I was overwhelmed with emotion and decided to leave a well- paid corporate job to be a Teacher with all earnestness.

I accepted an offer to teach Finance in a Business School and assumed the responsibility of making them fit for the big bad corporate world. The responsibility left me sleepless at times.  I never boasted to my students that I knew all and they came back to me for an answer later if something was unknown to me.  Such was the understanding! Each day was new as students in a classroom are the most unpredictable lot but I took every challenge to my stride…… was this all about the job? Not to the least bit as there had not been a single day when I did not yell at them for not being disciplined or when I did not scream at them for neglecting their studies or when I did not boycott them for not doing their assignment.

To make life worse, at those moments of heightened tension, some of them giggled or some of them came up with weirdest excuses to drive me insane.  Life became similar to nightmares when I took charge of “Placement”.  I even forgot to wish my husband on his birthday as I was immersed in placement activities; I did not have time even to look at my children’s homework after a hard day and so on…

  ….but their faces full with expectation, kept me going with all sincerity.  I might not have been able to place them in places of their choice but I know for myself that I tried my level best to see them through during the most crucial juncture of their precious lives.  All pain come with rewards and here also, my rewards are more than adequate:

I have a hotelier student in Chennai who promised me “stay free of any charge as long as I wish” in his father’s hotel as I helped him draw up a budget during his internship in London on long distance phone call at 2 o clock at night.

 On an occasion, when I had to rush to my daughters’ school as she suddenly fell ill, five of them escorted me to the school just in case any help was needed.

As they knew very well that my husband travels extensively, they demanded that they be gifted Swiss chocolates whenever ‘Sir’ travelled to Switzerland.  I kept my promise and all of them stood ever ready for even my grocery shopping!

We cried together when Kumud,a dear student  lost her mother and my students insisted that if I could go and sit by her side for few moments, maybe she would be able to gather herself to continue with life! Such was their trust and faith in me!!

Is it comparable with any material reward I might have acquired in my corporate job someday? I guess not.

Someone honored me with the responsibility of convincing his girlfriend’s father about his suitability as he believed only I could do this….

We decided to celebrate “Basant Panchami” at my place and a troop of 25 young lion cubs descended at my house frightening the neighbors in the housing complex where I resided.  They invaded my kitchen, drawing room and terrace without hesitation and cleaned the house before leaving so that I could sleep without worrying about cleaning the next day.  We could only manage Khhichdi, pakora, and chutney but they polished off the last grain with so much appreciation!! Before leaving, all of them touched my feet and said,” You are more than our teacher to us and we all know that you will always be there for us.”

They glorified my existence!

 Animesh, Piyush, Nitin were the first critics of my blog and their encouragement and appreciation motivated me to write, my Masters Degree midterm exam notwithstanding..

On my farewell day, Khusboo, Navita, Esha, cried inconsolably uncertain about their placement.  Shikha called me early morning when we were leaving for the airport and was upset that she could not say “bye” to me the previous day.

Devesh was sad that I did not include 'my students' in the list of precious gems I possess! (All of you , are, indeed precious gems)

One student’s father confided in me about some psychological problem of his son and was certain that I might be able to help him out as I was his favorite teacher.

 So much of trust, love, affection, faith are my “extra earnings” and I have the privilege to keep them safe for years. All these compensated more than adequately any material losses that I might have accepted in terms of less remuneration compared to a corporate job. ….. but do I regret my decision? Not at the least bit and I will remain a teacher if ever I go back to work somewhere.

Dilemma arose when I started receiving invitation to be ‘friend’ on Face Book from my students. 

Should I or shouldn’t I accept?

Would that not be an invasion on my personal space? So I left them alone without accepting or ignoring the invites completely…..thinking that they could always e-mail or sms or call if they wanted to convey anything personal to me and vice versa? Was the student-teacher relationship to last for only two years that they were under my supervision in my class? What if anyone needed my advice or assistance, just in case, in their professional career?  What if someone needed to share anything that he/she could not have been able to do with anyone else?  What if they needed guidance even if they are now settled in their respective jobs?    

Just in case, they need my help, will they be in a position to call me or sms me at their discretion now that I am in a distant land?

I should assure them that I am always there for them for the rest of their lives wherever I am and whatever may be their dilemma.

I opened the door for them and accepted all FB invitations from all of them!

I am always there for you all, all my students!! I owe part of my existence to you all, my dear children!!