The requirements that I had set for a probable groom for myself were not very complicated – I only wanted my man to be very educated (to match my academic record), to be able to speak English like an Englishman (I still have the regret that I could not go to a first-class English medium school as there was none in the vicinity of my village) and he must smell good at all point of time ( smelling sweat does not sound ‘macho’ to me) !!
Even though I felt that was not tall order at all, my father sometimes grumbled at the ‘good smell’ part and my relatives were almost sure that I would have to spend the life unmarried …. But I was adamant and waited patiently till the age of 32, rejecting 16 aspiring groom-to-be!!
…and then there was this guy who I met for the first time in a meeting of Chartered Accountants in connection with an assignment of National Horticulture Board in Delhi. On the fateful day of first meeting in Gurgaon, I reached late as usual (by that time, I was convinced that reaching late everywhere was my birth-right) and had to barge in while the discussion was on regarding some issue. As the premium seats were all occupied by those old, moronic CAs, I had to make do with a seat at the last row and before I could get the hang of the discussion, the Chairman declared ‘lunch break’! Uff, I finally got some time to run my fingers through the mess of my long hair and straighten the pleats of my crisp cotton saree ….
Whatever be the issue of discussion, I could only hear this tall -dark - handsome guy speak as if he had been unanimously chosen to represent those 55 CAs. Well, even though I was not there when others chose him to speak, I loved the way he conducted the entire discussion, I loved his authority on the subject and I liked his leadership skill, even though in some part he sounded very arrogant and snob . To be very honest, I liked him so much in those few minutes, that a shameless thought crossed my mind, “I wish…” !
Two of the requirements were already met by that time - that he was well-educated and that he could speak flawlessly in English-man like English and the third one? Well, even that was also fulfilled within few minutes once the lunch break was announced when he opened his satchel and whipped a deo-bottle to spray some on him before going to the hall (North India reaches almost boiling point during summer)!! He stole my heart completely at that point and that shameless thought again crossed my mind, “I wish….”.
Being the only young lady, would anyone blame me if I say that I was expecting some degree of adulation from the male folk? Few exchanged customary greetings while this tall-dark-handsome good-smelling man merrily bonded with other young and old CAs and ignored me completely….
I was bursting partly with anger and humiliation and partly with hunger as I intentionally waited in the corridor with the hope that he might come and say ‘hello’ to me. After all, I was quite snob and arrogant too to fall in love with any random guy and my sky-high ego was very badly hurt!!
The decision was made then and there that if I marry at all, I would marry him and only him and the rest is history…..haven’t we heard it for umpteen number of times that nothing is wrong in love and war!!!
I conquered him in this glorified war of love in a matter of six months!!
…..and now that we spent 12 years together, we have understood without any ambiguity that evolution is the key to peaceful existence. There is no denying that adjustments and compromises have come equally from both sides but few things worth mentioning….
He had to adjust to my ability to talk incessantly on matters relevant and irrelevant while he only listens– did not I adjust in the first meeting (and in many meeting afterwards when he became partner in the same firm where I worked) when he only talked and I listened (I admit that he talks less irrelevantly but, come on, I am his wife now!). He evolved to the art of ‘listening without paying any attention’…..
He had to adjust to my ability to stay within mess around me (clothes lie on heap on the bed in one side, I have books and papers strewn all around on my study table, I have never been able to fish out the lipstick with the correct shade when I need it, and stuff like that) ….but didn’t I adjust to his habits of organization and order during our courtship period and first six months after marriage (To impress him of course! He is paranoid about keeping things in place and in order)? He evolved to the art of ignoring clutter and finding one corner in the bed to lie down….
Earlier he used to accumulate clothes, accessories mindlessly and every six months, there used to be ‘clearing’ whenever my parents visited us .Now, he changes his wardrobe every two years and I changed my wardrobe every six months! Isn’t it evolution for both of us? (Occasionally he buys an Omega or Raymond Weil or Longines but I ignore that as an aberration)
In our residential society in Greater Noida, I was the face of the Ray family as very few saw his face partly, because of his tours and partly because he liked to spend time reclusively lazing around in bed and reading during holidays . And now? Ever since I forced him to meet Fatafati sangho members (our very own Bengali association in Dubai), he feels his weekends are boring if there is no get-together! Wouldn’t you call it evolution of highest order?
….the list goes on …and my story of evolution?
Just to highlight the degree of evolution of me after marriage, one example is enough, I guess.
Ever since he has become a member of Malt Society, I have started tasting single malt (what an achievement! I could not even take a big gulp of pepsi few years ago)!
In a nutshell, after 12 years in marriage, I have evolved as a rich, snob, arrogant wife of a well-placed executive of an MNC and what about him? Oh, who cares? No matter what he is, wife is wife. He roars occasionally but I bark continuously….
Marriage, thy name is evolution!!!!!!
