Faith brings out the best in you!

All along , I am a firm believer in God. For me, the God is a “ SHE” , my very own Ma Durga. Her presence and power to heal has always been my primary source of strength and courage during time of distress. As I don’t forget to thank Her almost every moment that I am awake, I do not hesitate to curse her when She pushes me to edge; I don’t , as well, hesitate to nag her relentlessly to step in when things get beyond control and all else fail !

The belief that She would show me the light at the end of the dark tunnel has always paid off. Of course, the primary condition of being the receiver of Her abundant blessings is that I have to close my eyes, hold Her hand and keep walking with an unshakable faith in my mind even if it takes longer than expected to reach to the other end of the tunnel.

Being an ordinary human being, every time I am put to test, I try to figure out the purpose behind Her game. When apparently, I do not find one, I complain profusely and at times, I threaten Her in abusive language that I would shift my loyalty to other God/Goddess who possibly would be little kinder to the devotees. When the initial fury of the storm subsides and the clouds clear a little bit, I sit down and think through and the purpose of the test transpires…. Above everything else, I come out of it as a much stronger and tougher person , absolutely ready for a bigger battle in life!

My faith in Her presence and power to heal grows stronger each time I pass a test!

I have been taking a test again for the past one month. This time, it is dad’s illness – a critical and severe one. A viral meningitis has left him with severely impaired Central Nervous system and he is confined to hospital bed for the past one month in Kolkata. Being the only child and staying so far away from them, I had been living with this fear for quite some time ever since the signs of aging started to show up. When it happened, almost without any prior notice, the feeling was nasty. It was, as if, I was thrown into deep sea with my limbs tied up and nothing was in sight to hang on to.

The first reaction, obviously, was to scream at Her, “What is it this time?” as I was struggling to find a purpose behind this rigorous test. I lost my ability to think logically and rationally as to how I was going to juggle a home in Dubai with two small kids, a husband with punishing travel schedule, a sick father in Kolkata, an emotionally vulnerable and physically weak mom in the village home, a job that I recently started with so much of love and passion and the rigour of travelling back and forth between Kolkata and Dubai fortnightly! I drifted around in that open sea till the time I had air in my lungs and then called Her to step in.

I left everything in Her hands with that Faith in my mind …..

As always, the initial fury of the storm has subsided and when I sat down to think through, the purpose behind all these was clear. As a matter of fact , there was not one but many :

First and primary, the children have become more independent and responsible to take charge of their lives when I am away to Kolkata and their dad is in a far-away land on duty . That includes getting ready for school on time, finishing homework on their own and on time, keeping tab on me and both the grandmas, and calling me up every night to say,” We are fine Ma; you take care of Dada and yourself”. The mother in me is now more than assured that my children have grown up in true sense and they are battle-ready!

Secondly, I was brought up in a joint family with few cousins. Being a single child, I never felt lonely nor did I feel the need of a sibling because we all were brothers and sisters and the bond was quite strong and visible all through. During this time of distress, three of my brothers stayed by my side like three strong pillars. I could lean on them to rest, to cry, to voice my concern whenever i wished to. They still are….doing the hospital run, taking care of needs of Ma in the village, organising random stuff so that dad’s care is not hampered. The strength of the bond is now time-tested. I am more than convinced that I will never be alone in life when I am blessed with such cousins. I wish I had few more like them…..  

Third in the list ….. I got to know few wonderful people who I didn’t even see before this happened. They are not relatives per se but they are always on a phone call away. On the day dad was supposed to be operated upon, these beautiful souls descended in full force on a 30-minute notice just to be by my side and since then, are in constant touch with me. I will remain grateful to them for the rest of my life and will certainly nurture these relationships with love and care. Kolkata no longer is an alien land for me only because of them (I never liked Kolkata, the city of joy and I never tried to develop any bond either with this city).  

Fourth in the list …. Friends here in Dubai have extended their hands of support to take care of children and anything else that might be required during the time I am away. Such unconditional support and help from friends always makes me believe that the world in fact is a beautiful place. May God bless these angels always!  

The most important one …. I have always felt that marriage is the best thing that happened to me. When people ask me how I take care of so many things at one single moment, I smile back to them and say,” I am generally a very strong person mentally. But for the past 15 years that I am married, a man stands behind me like a rock-wall all the time. Whenever I need support, I just lean back and rest. I fear nothing so long as he is there.” He is my husband! May God bless him with more strength and patience!

On a lighter note, I have found a new student in Ma. She is learning how to write her pension  cheque, how to fill in the deposit slips in bank, how to operate an ATM card and all small things that she never had to bother herself with because dad used to take care of all those. She is excited and she feels empowered!

And the last one….during my last visit, I was upgraded from Economy to Business by Emirates Airlines as I had accumulated few thousand air miles! An enjoyable privilege, I must say.

Well, I will be again flying to Kolkata on 23 rd. December for a week to make a permanent arrangement for dad’s rehabilitation in Kolkata. A whole new set up to be organised in Kolkata but surprisingly, I am not overtly worried. I know beyond doubt that everything will be taken care of.

I am currently, walking through that dark tunnel with eyes closed, holding Her hand with that unshakable faith in my heart. The ray of light will appear just when it is time!!         

Let the wild flowers bloom everywhere......

Professionally speaking, I have deviated too far and too many times. I started off as an Audit Manager immediately after qualifying my final examination from Institute of Chartered Accountants of India and ended up recently as a Content Writer of a Lifestyle Magazine here in Dubai.

The journey has been long and colourful and though, I performed my duties with utmost sincerity at all points of time, the duty I most enjoyed was that of a professor. In all other cases, only my professional self was involved whereas during those years as professor, my entire self was involved. The parting was painful when I had to move to Dubai. Few months in a job here in Dubai in Corporate Finance , I realised pretty soon that I was too trapped in the mould of a teacher making it difficult for me to go back to a corporate job. I decided to quit !

Thankfully, God gave me another reason to quit and look at life in a new light. Surviving Cancer was a life changing experience for me. Priorities of life changed overnight and the decision to quit whatever I was doing was instant. A probability of recurrence adds a dangerous dimension to the “killer” disease called “Cancer” and I guess, all cancer survivors live with this uncertainty for the rest of their lives. Suddenly, I was in a rush to do things that I wanted to do for quite some time before God sends me a notice, “Time up”.

At the top of my list of “things to do before I die”, I had a secret wish…… I wanted to become part of lives of children who are differently able ever since my daughter was born. There was an antecedent of my being so passionate about the cause. Test results during pregnancy showed a high probability that the daughter might be born with Down’s syndrome. The thought of terminating the pregnancy did not occur to us for once and we went around the city searching for specialist doctors, schools, therapists during the balance period of pregnancy just to make sure that the baby get the best care and support. The fact that there were not many facilities (and there still isn’t) to support the development of children with special need and that the society is not always conducive to accept them with open arms, were the only concerns for our unborn child. The Almighty blessed us with a girl who did not show any sign of Down’s syndrome but since then, I started to nurture a secret wish that given a chance, I would like to help those beautiful souls with my limited ability!

I took a small step to give my dream wings and started working as a volunteer with a Paediatric Therapy Center for differently able children here in Dubai. Sometimes, only passion is not sufficient - to have specific knowledge and skill in order to be more helpful and to understand them better was paramount. I recently enrolled myself for a professional training on Behavioural Analysis and Occupational Therapy. Needless to say, my entire self is involved once again while I learn.

As a part of the course curriculum, I am associated with a centre which offers therapy (Occupational therapy, Speech therapy, therapy for Sensory integration etc.) to children who have learning difficulty/disability. Each day, I come home wrapped in a lingering fragrance of wild flowers; I look forward to go back the next morning to hug them, cuddle them, learn with them, play with them and be a part of their lives in a small way……I am a very happy soul now!

Yes, I will call them wild flowers high up in the mountains – they are exotic and unique with vibrant colour and fragrance. To make wild flowers bloom in the plain land is difficult but not impossible. The environment has to be conducive and inviting for these wild flowers to bloom on the plains. They need to be given a chance to adapt and I am sure, with little effort from all of us around, the process of adaptation will be much easier. Do not try to enter into their world with a bang ; rather carry with you a hint of forest breeze when you would try to peep into their world.

If the society as a whole and each member of the society takes a little effort, the sight of vibrant colour of those wild flowers blooming everywhere around us will certainly be a treat visually and that exotic fragrance will certainly uplift your soul to be closer to your Almighty!

If we can not do it alone, let us join hands in a bid to protect these wild flowers!

   

The agony of growing old........

Age is catching up........I mean, the biological age and not the age of my mind.
I take the often-repeated phrase very seriously saying to myself," Age is only a number" and I truly believe there is no conflict between an ageing body and an young mind within it. Just so to prove that, I took lessons of Pole Dancing with mind-full of enthusiasm! ( I must confess that I loved it even though my ageing limbs protested vehemently!)
......but then, the young mind can not take the ageing brain head-on all the time. As a part of the biological process of growing old,  body parts compete with each other and gives you clear signs of eventual "wear and tear". A gradual weakening of memory with each passing year tops the list of symptoms of growing older, I guess!
In my case, the situation is doubly critical. I was possibly born with this terrible trait of mine - I simply do not remember where I keep "important" stuff at the time when those are needed!! .....and now that I am approaching 50 (biological age, I mean), situation is going towards worse, I must say. Almost everyday a search mission needs to be launched for something or the other - passports, suitcase keys, childrens' vaccination card, ATM card, Maid's employment contract, my mobile phone and the list goes on...... while I sweat and panic almost to the verge of bursting into loud cry, all members of the family (including my dog) bring the entire house down to search for random "important" stuff. The commander of the search mission ( my husband, of course) sits still, throws direction to the team members in a steely voice and in between, throws steely glances towards me and I feel miserable, to say the least!
I consider this as an official seal that I am growing old biologically (the mind stays young and fresh, though)
Yesterday was Valentine's day - a beautiful day started with a beautiful morning with children kissing me "Happy Valentine's Day Ma", and a beautiful gift was being unwrapped (my husband got it for me few days back during his recent tour but I wanted to unwrap it ceremoniously on Valentine's day!). As I sat down with a cup of tea and the morning newspaper, my husband asked for a particular thing which was in my wallet. I rushed to upstairs feeling confident that it was in my green handbag. Well, the wallet was not inside my green handbag, nor on the sofa upstairs, nor on the red sofa in kids room, nor inside my cupboard, nor in the bamboo basket in the kitchen...... and the sweat, the panic, the palpitation. Feeling helpless, I  cried out from upstairs," Kids, help please. I can't find my wallet"
One more search mission - spoiling the beautiful morning and making the house look like a battle field. My daughter even checked inside the refrigerator , just in case!
"How can it go inside the fridge, Babu" I tried to protest feebly.
With the same gravity in her voice as her dad's, she replied without even turning back to me, " Anything is possible Ma"
(Unbelievable ! I was thinking to myself and feeling miserable, as allways)
Almost an hour later, my Almighty Ma Durga possibly answered to my fervent prayers and the brain regained some of its lost glory. I ran back up to check the folder where my son keeps his drum sticks and notation copies for his drum lessons. It was certainly the moment to scream "Eureka". Now, don't ask me how the wallet ended up inside that folder (even I do not clearly remember the sequence of events).
I was convinced one more time that I am growing older biologically (the mind is young and fresh, though).
Lovely ladies, in case you are growing older biologically like me, stay fresh and young at heart but be a little mindful where you keep your wallet. Otherwise a beautiful Valentine's Day morning will get wasted searching for it!
Enjoy life as it comes !!