Faith brings out the best in you!

All along , I am a firm believer in God. For me, the God is a “ SHE” , my very own Ma Durga. Her presence and power to heal has always been my primary source of strength and courage during time of distress. As I don’t forget to thank Her almost every moment that I am awake, I do not hesitate to curse her when She pushes me to edge; I don’t , as well, hesitate to nag her relentlessly to step in when things get beyond control and all else fail !

The belief that She would show me the light at the end of the dark tunnel has always paid off. Of course, the primary condition of being the receiver of Her abundant blessings is that I have to close my eyes, hold Her hand and keep walking with an unshakable faith in my mind even if it takes longer than expected to reach to the other end of the tunnel.

Being an ordinary human being, every time I am put to test, I try to figure out the purpose behind Her game. When apparently, I do not find one, I complain profusely and at times, I threaten Her in abusive language that I would shift my loyalty to other God/Goddess who possibly would be little kinder to the devotees. When the initial fury of the storm subsides and the clouds clear a little bit, I sit down and think through and the purpose of the test transpires…. Above everything else, I come out of it as a much stronger and tougher person , absolutely ready for a bigger battle in life!

My faith in Her presence and power to heal grows stronger each time I pass a test!

I have been taking a test again for the past one month. This time, it is dad’s illness – a critical and severe one. A viral meningitis has left him with severely impaired Central Nervous system and he is confined to hospital bed for the past one month in Kolkata. Being the only child and staying so far away from them, I had been living with this fear for quite some time ever since the signs of aging started to show up. When it happened, almost without any prior notice, the feeling was nasty. It was, as if, I was thrown into deep sea with my limbs tied up and nothing was in sight to hang on to.

The first reaction, obviously, was to scream at Her, “What is it this time?” as I was struggling to find a purpose behind this rigorous test. I lost my ability to think logically and rationally as to how I was going to juggle a home in Dubai with two small kids, a husband with punishing travel schedule, a sick father in Kolkata, an emotionally vulnerable and physically weak mom in the village home, a job that I recently started with so much of love and passion and the rigour of travelling back and forth between Kolkata and Dubai fortnightly! I drifted around in that open sea till the time I had air in my lungs and then called Her to step in.

I left everything in Her hands with that Faith in my mind …..

As always, the initial fury of the storm has subsided and when I sat down to think through, the purpose behind all these was clear. As a matter of fact , there was not one but many :

First and primary, the children have become more independent and responsible to take charge of their lives when I am away to Kolkata and their dad is in a far-away land on duty . That includes getting ready for school on time, finishing homework on their own and on time, keeping tab on me and both the grandmas, and calling me up every night to say,” We are fine Ma; you take care of Dada and yourself”. The mother in me is now more than assured that my children have grown up in true sense and they are battle-ready!

Secondly, I was brought up in a joint family with few cousins. Being a single child, I never felt lonely nor did I feel the need of a sibling because we all were brothers and sisters and the bond was quite strong and visible all through. During this time of distress, three of my brothers stayed by my side like three strong pillars. I could lean on them to rest, to cry, to voice my concern whenever i wished to. They still are….doing the hospital run, taking care of needs of Ma in the village, organising random stuff so that dad’s care is not hampered. The strength of the bond is now time-tested. I am more than convinced that I will never be alone in life when I am blessed with such cousins. I wish I had few more like them…..  

Third in the list ….. I got to know few wonderful people who I didn’t even see before this happened. They are not relatives per se but they are always on a phone call away. On the day dad was supposed to be operated upon, these beautiful souls descended in full force on a 30-minute notice just to be by my side and since then, are in constant touch with me. I will remain grateful to them for the rest of my life and will certainly nurture these relationships with love and care. Kolkata no longer is an alien land for me only because of them (I never liked Kolkata, the city of joy and I never tried to develop any bond either with this city).  

Fourth in the list …. Friends here in Dubai have extended their hands of support to take care of children and anything else that might be required during the time I am away. Such unconditional support and help from friends always makes me believe that the world in fact is a beautiful place. May God bless these angels always!  

The most important one …. I have always felt that marriage is the best thing that happened to me. When people ask me how I take care of so many things at one single moment, I smile back to them and say,” I am generally a very strong person mentally. But for the past 15 years that I am married, a man stands behind me like a rock-wall all the time. Whenever I need support, I just lean back and rest. I fear nothing so long as he is there.” He is my husband! May God bless him with more strength and patience!

On a lighter note, I have found a new student in Ma. She is learning how to write her pension  cheque, how to fill in the deposit slips in bank, how to operate an ATM card and all small things that she never had to bother herself with because dad used to take care of all those. She is excited and she feels empowered!

And the last one….during my last visit, I was upgraded from Economy to Business by Emirates Airlines as I had accumulated few thousand air miles! An enjoyable privilege, I must say.

Well, I will be again flying to Kolkata on 23 rd. December for a week to make a permanent arrangement for dad’s rehabilitation in Kolkata. A whole new set up to be organised in Kolkata but surprisingly, I am not overtly worried. I know beyond doubt that everything will be taken care of.

I am currently, walking through that dark tunnel with eyes closed, holding Her hand with that unshakable faith in my heart. The ray of light will appear just when it is time!!